


Alone

by Wildroses2009



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: During Canon, Family, Family Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-22 23:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20000302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildroses2009/pseuds/Wildroses2009
Summary: Sofie is the daughter of the Dragonborn. She lives in Windhelm. It's a better than her old life living on the streets, but it doesn't mean it's without problems, the worst of which are being alone and the possibility of being alone forever again.A project which started with examining what the daily life of a child of the Dragonborn would be like, and how they cope with having such a famous figure for a parent who is hardly ever there.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> There is no smut in this as the thought of putting smut in a story told from the point of view of an eight year old made me gag. However the dubcon, while between the lines, is very much there so if that is a trigger for you, give this story a miss. 
> 
> While Sofie is well physically cared for now, she wasn't prior to her adoption so if implied child abuse and neglect is a trigger I'd also give this one a miss. 
> 
> Despite the during canon tag, the start of Faire's Dragonborn journey wasn't canon compliant although the rest and her Stormcloak journey is, so if you are a canon purist give this a miss. 
> 
> I'd also give this story a miss if you are an Ulfric Stormcloak fan. I don't put him in a flattering light.

In the morning Sofie woke up alone. Most mornings she woke up alone. The first thing Sofie did after getting up was to check Mama’s bedroom to see if she’d come back last night after she was asleep, although Sofie always slept with her bedroom door open so she’d hear if anyone arrived. This morning, like most mornings, Mama’s bed was empty. The second thing Sofie did after getting up was go and check Calder’s room just in case the Jarl had kept Mama at the Palace of the Kings for another sleepover. He never wanted Calder to have sleepovers. This morning, like most mornings, Calder’s bed was empty as well. 

After confirming she truly was alone, Sofie picked which dress to wear. This always took a while. She had five now, each a different colour, making it terribly difficult to choose. Sofie had only owned one dress for a long time before Mama had decided to adopt her. None of the five she had now were the one she’d owned when she lived in the street. Sofie wasn’t completely sure what had happened to that one. It had just vanished one day soon after Mama had started bringing home new ones, not that she cared much. The five she had now were much warmer and prettier. The grey and yellow ones even had lace around the collar. Those two were Sofie’s favourites. 

Once she’d picked her yellow dress and brushed her hair Sofie left Hjerim, carefully locking the door behind her with some relief. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the house. It was a much nicer place to sleep than Niranye’s garden had ever been, or even the house she’d lived in with her father back when he was still coming home occasionally. It was just so large it was easier to remember how alone she was in it, which made Sofie worry she might be alone forever again. Father had been a Stormcloak and had eventually left without coming back. Mama was a Stormcloak too, and a Dragonborn which was even worse. She had to go fight dragons as well as Imperial soldiers which was surely more dangerous. At least Mama had a housecarl to keep her safe. Father never did. Mama was always trying to talk Calder into staying behind at Hjerim with her. Sofie was glad Calder always said the Jarl would have his head if he let the Dragonborn walk out of Windhelm without him even if it did make Mama mutter angrily under her breath about always being a good little elf, which Sofie thought was silly. Mama was not little. Altmer were tall. That’s why they were called High Elves. 

The wind was cold. Sofie hurried through the streets of Windhelm, glad she hadn’t had to sleep outside last night and gladder to reach the warmth of Candlehearth Hall. She went straight to the bar, where Elda was serving. She said nothing when she saw Sofie standing silently by the door, merely served her up a bowl of apple and cabbage stew. She didn’t have to pay. Mama gave Elda a large sum of gold when she was in town, and in return she gave Sofie meals three times a day. Sofie took her bowl upstairs to her favourite table to eat. It was near Stenvar and Adonato’s favourite tables. Neither of them ever spoke to her, but they often spoke to each other or other people. Sometimes what they spoke about was the war or dragons. Listening to their conversation was a good way to hear about what Mama and Calder were doing when they weren’t here. 

Disappointingly, today Adonato was busily writing in his book and Rolff was talking to Stenvar. Rolff never wanted to talk about anything but how horrible the Dark Elves and Argonians were, which was useless because Mama was not fighting any Dark Elves or Argonians. Sofie ate her breakfast slowly, hoping Rolff would stop talking to Stenvar. Eventually he did, but only because Stenvar left which hadn’t at all what Sofie had wanted. Now Stenvar certainly wasn’t going to talk about the war or dragons where she could hear. She sighed. The noise attracted Rolff’s attention. “Hey. I know you. Aren’t you the little girl who lives with the Dragonborn?”  
Sofie swallowed her spoonful. “I’m her daughter, yes.”  
“She is a Nord then. That makes more sense than her being an Altmer.”  
“No, Mama’s an Altmer.”  
Rolff looked her up and down. “You don’t look like an Altmer.”  
“I’m not. I’m a Nord.”   
“The Dragonborn isn’t your real mother then.”  
This was a conversation she’d heard Mama have with the Jarl, on the thankfully rare occasions she’d had to be in the same room as him. Sofie knew how to answer. “Mama says she is now because she’s taken charge of my care and education. Mama says lots of people at her home have to pass on their genes but don’t want to be parents so they give their children to other people to be their real parents.”   
“Huh.” Rolff took a swallow from his mug. “What does she look like underneath that helmet?”   
“Yellow. Her skin and eyes and hair all match.”  
“Is she hideous? Is that why she’s so careful never to be seen without being covered up?”  
“No! She’s beautiful! She’s just scared of the…” Sofie stopped talking before she could finish with ‘Thalmor recognising her.’ Mama had lectured her for ages when Sofie first moved in about how the Thalmor saw no distinction between traitors and the children of traitors, which was why they’d want both of them killed if they found her so she must be wary of strangers, always lock the door, don’t go out at night and never ever ever mention this conversation to anyone. As it was pretty clear the Thalmor finding Mama meant being alone forever again, Sofie had to keep her mouth shut and not tell Rolff what a horrible thing he had said. Sofie wanted to leave right then, but she hadn’t finished breakfast. She’d hadn’t had to skip a meal since she met Mama, back when she was just Faire and nobody including Faire knew she was Dragonborn, but Sofie’s life had featured too many missed meals to willingly leave any food in her bowl. Suddenly realising Rolff must have recognised her because he was Galmar’s brother, Sofie was glad she had stayed. “Have you heard from the General how the war is going?”  
“Well, the Reach is ours now as well as Falkreath. Galmar said he was at Hjaalmarch last letter I received from him. I haven’t heard anything since.”  
Mama had told her last time she was going to Hjaalmarch. Rolff knew nothing she didn’t. “I need to go now. Wuunferth gets mad if I’m late.” Wuunferth got mad if she was early and on time as well, but slightly less than when she was late. 

When she arrived into his room at the Palace of the Kings, Wuunferth glowered. “You again.”  
Sofie flinched, even though she had long suspected Wuunferth was also mad the entire time she was there. “I have to come each morning. Mama said so. She’ll be mad if I don’t.”   
“And Ulfric will be mad at me if I don’t teach you letters and numbers. Years of being left alone to pursue my research and THIS was the favour he asked…Why that elf is so obsessed with some street trash being properly educated I’ll never understand. I thought her people were supposed to consider everyone not a purebred Altmer unworthy of attention.”  
Sofie said nothing. She didn’t understand why Mama was obsessed with her learning either, although the question had never seemed worth pondering. The important thing was to not do anything that might make Mama angry. If she got angry she might decide to stop coming home, then Sofie would be alone forever again.   
“That elf must be absolutely incredible in the bedroom to have talked Ulfric into this,” Wuunferth went on.   
“I guess. He certainly insists on having a lot of sleepovers with Mama.”  
Wuunferth made an extremely strange noise, kind of like a strangled cough, and turned away. Too late, Sofie remembered she wasn’t supposed to talk about Mama and Ulfric’s sleepovers. Luckily Wuunferth didn’t tell her off about it, merely cough some more then said: “Right. Let’s start with multiplication today. The sooner you finish your studies, the sooner I can go back to mine.”

Studying with Wuunferth only ever went until lunchtime. Wuunferth was punctual about sending her away at lunch, not that Sofie objected. Sofie wasn’t convinced she’d enjoy reading or mathematics even if Wuunferth wasn’t teaching her. They gave her a headache. Writing wasn’t so bad. The challenge of making the ink form the patterns she intended was absorbing. Still, Sofie was always relieved when it was lunch time and she got to leave. Apart from today. She was relieved when she stepped out of Wuunferth’s room, but not when she saw Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak standing in the passage. 

Even though she knew intellectually the Jarl lived in his palace the sight of him still shocked Sofie. Somehow Sofie thought he only ever stayed in the receiving hall and war room doing Jarl things like listening to petitioners or deciding where to send soldiers, although presumably he had a bedroom somewhere to sleep in for whenever he had a sleepover with Mama. Sofie’s first reaction on seeing him was to try and step back into Wuunferth’s room but he’d already closed the door. Sofie did not like the Jarl. Partly it was a lingering fear of those in authority, leftover from living with her father and on the streets when all her interactions with authority meant bad outcomes for her personally, but mostly it was because he’d started the war by killing the King. As the war was the reason Sofie’s father had left her alone forever and Sofie’s Mama was constantly being sent away to fight in it, raising the spectre of being alone forever again every time she went, it made Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak Sofie’s least favourite person in the entire world. 

Not that she let that show. Letting people in authority suspect you hated them always ended in pain and tears and besides, Mama had been explicit and firm on how to treat the Jarl. Politeness and gratitude. The Jarl is the reason they had money to buy food and a lovely house to live in and we don’t want him to take that away, do we? Isn’t Hjerim nicer than Candlehearth Hall or Niranye’s garden? So Sofie gave her sweetest smile she’d perfected back when she was selling flowers and curtsied. “Thank you for giving us money to buy food and letting us live in Hjerim. It’s a lovely house.”   
Her words made the Jarl’s eyes flicker in what Sofie belatedly realised was recognition. “Now I remember, you’re Sofie. I was wondering why a child was wandering around the upper levels. Is my Dragonborn finally back then?”  
Sofie shook her head, heart contracting. “I don’t know where she is. Is she supposed to be back? When was she supposed to be back? Is she missing?”  
“Not as I’m aware. I just didn’t think it would take her this long to eradicate dragons from Hjaalmarch after it was liberated. It’s such a small province.”   
That was new information. Mama never eradicated dragons from whatever Hold she was visiting unless it was already Stormcloak controlled. Lately she’d had to arrange for it to be Stormcloak controlled first. If she was eradicating dragons it followed she was no longer in danger from being killed by Imperials, although the danger of being killed by dragons obviously remained.   
“What are you doing here if you aren’t with her?”  
“Wuunferth has finished giving me my lessons.”  
“He gives lessons to children? Oh that’s right, I had to arrange for you to be educated. Not sure why she took such a strong interest in you…”  
The opening was too hopeful to let slip. “You could always arrange for me to stop being educated if it’s a bother. I wouldn’t mind…” Sofie began, stopping when the Jarl laughed.   
“I’m afraid you don’t get out of lessons that easily. My Dragonborn would mind terribly. I have no desire to give her any reason to stop associating with me. She’d be worth keeping in my army even if she wasn’t such a brilliant little infiltrator and warrior simply for the positive impact it had on how the ditherers were viewing this struggle. Liberated Holds are keener on staying liberated with a Dragonborn to deal with their dragons as well. And she can be… surprisingly pleasant company.” The Jarl had stopped laughing, but a smile remained.   
“I think Mama is pleasant company as well,” Sofie ventured, feeling she ought to say something. The Jarl gave her a look that made her realise that in some inscrutable way she had said the wrong thing.   
“I think you had better run along now.”  
Sofie did so, relief that the conversation was over outweighing her worry of any consequences saying the wrong thing might bring. 

For lunch Elda gave Sofie a bowl of venison stew, which Sofie took to her favourite table. Adonato was talking to the bard and Stenvar to Brunwulf Free-Winter. Slowly walking to the side nearest Stenvar’s table, Sofie focused her ears on their conversation.   
“…attacking all sorts of innocent travellers. If you took them out, you would be helping to keep Skyrim safe for all.”  
“Good deeds won’t keep me in mead and gold. If they are truly that dangerous taking them out requires more than a mere…”  
Sofie felt like crying. They weren’t discussing the war or dragons, they were negotiating a contract. If Stenvar took it, he might leave and then how would Sofie hear what Mama was doing? She edged around the table to Adonato’s table to better hear their discussion.   
“Well, I still don’t think it was nearly as impressive as Fort Neugrad. Infiltrating an armed enemy stronghold to free prisoners before the final assault is always going to be more impressive than forging some orders.”   
Breath catching, Sofie dropped her spoon. Fort Neugrad had been one of Mama’s early victories. Adonato was talking about her!  
“Oh, but consider how she got the orders! She had to intercept the original ones off an Imperial Courier before they could even be forged, and then deliver them in disguise. That required as much courage and stratagem as infiltrating Fort Neugrad!”  
“The daring rescue of brave soldiers is always going to make for a more thrilling tale than the adjusting of some paperwork, my dear Luaffyn. That is the story they’ll be singing of the Dragonborn a thousand years later, I assure you.”  
“I might be a bard, Adonato, but I know that not everything about life has to be viewed as to whether or not it makes a good song.”  
“That’s because neither of us are the Dragonborn. Everything about her has to be viewed as to whether it will make a good legend.”  
“Hey, you made it back from Wuunferth alive,” a slurred voice said in her ear, drowning out the conversation. Sofie wanted to scream in frustration, but didn’t. She recognised the slurred in Rolff’s voice from back when her Father was still coming home occasionally. Rolff had been drinking. Experience had taught Sofie that if males were drinking, you behaved in a certain way. You stayed quiet regardless of how badly you wanted to scream and removed yourself from the room without being too obvious about it unless you wanted to end up bleeding, which Sofie never did. She began eating faster. “I was a little worried when you said you were going to see the Unliving. There are all sorts of rumours about him. Why were you going to see him?”  
“He gives me lessons.”  
“What in?”  
“Reading. Writing. Sums.”  
“Not evil magic?”  
“I don’t think he could. I can’t do any magic. Mama tried to teach me some basic spells but I couldn’t do them.”   
“Are you sure Wuunferth isn’t planning to do any evil magic on you?”  
“My Mama would kill him if he did.” Swallowing the last of her meal, Sofie stood up. “Goodbye.”   
“You aren’t going back to Wuunferth are you?”  
“No. Lessons are over now. I’m going to take a walk around the Grey Quarter.” Sofie hadn’t thought this was unusual. She walked around the Grey Quarter every afternoon there wasn’t a near blizzard so she wouldn’t have to be alone in Hjerim, and until Mama she’d spent her every waking and sleeping hour there. But Rolff looked even more horrified at her visiting the Grey Quarter than Wuunferth. “You mustn’t go there! It isn’t safe! That’s where all the Grey-skins live!”  
“I won’t go there again,” Sofie lied. Little girls who wanted to avoid bleeding learnt early to agree with everything a drunk man said to them, even if it was bewildering. When Sofie had become homeless and penniless she’d initially tried selling her flowers around the Stone Quarter and Valunstrud as well as the Grey Quarter. She’d soon stopped as she’d found the humans tended to call her street trash and worse, and more likely to painfully ensure she moved along. The Dunmer just ignored her unless she tried to go inside the New Gnisis Cornerclub. She’d tried once on a particularly snowy night. Ambarys had been furious. Slumming Nord scum had been the least terrible thing he’d said to her. Sofie didn’t avoid Valunstrud anymore now she lived in it. She’d gotten over her nervousness as the people living there liked the Dragonborn’s clean, richly dressed, silent daughter than they had the grubby, ragged orphan trying to sell flowers, but her most bruising experiences had occurred in the Stone Quarter. She still never went there. 

Even though her ability to eat no longer depended on her finding flowers Sofie still spent her afternoons searching diligently for them in the gardens and walkways of Windhelm. Part of the reason she’d first come up with the idea of selling them to buy food was because she’d always liked flowers. Mama did too. She smiled when Sofie presented her with fresh ones when she came home. As Sofie never knew when Mama would be returning home, it meant her supply of freshly cut flowers needed constant replacing. Today she took a purple mountain flower from the Shattershield’s garden, two red mountain flowers she’d found growing behind a barrel and a dragon’s tongue growing near the gate to the docks, which was the prize of the collection. The docks had never had flowers growing in it, but they did have Shahvee. Until Mama, Shahvee had been Sofie’s favourite person in Windhelm. She hadn’t met her properly until after her Father was gone because he’d have been furious at her talking to an Argonian. Even after he had left her alone forever Sofie had planned to remain obedient to his wishes, a plan which had been abandoned the instant Shahvee had seen her looking wistfully at the salmon she was grilling and offered her a piece. While Sofie was wolfing it down Shahvee had kept up a cheerful patter of remarks about the importance of happiness when in difficult situations. By that stage Sofie had been as starved for kind words as for food, so she always visited Shahvee daily after that. Shahvee never had enough gold to buy flowers, and only occasionally had enough food to share but she always gave Sofie kind words. Visiting Shahvee was the only part of her daily routine that hadn’t changed after Mama had adopted her. 

“Good afternoon Shahvee.”  
“Good afternoon, Sofie,” Shahvee said with a smile, not stopping her work tanning leather. The Shattershields had made a big order she’d been working on for weeks. “I see you found some pretty flowers again today.”  
Sofie nodded. “Do you think Mama will like them?”  
“Of course she will. Has she ever disliked flowers before?”  
“No.”  
“There you are then. You don’t need to fret so much about her not liking your presents.”  
“I don’t want her to leave.”   
“She wouldn’t leave because you gave her a bad present, Sofie.”  
“What reason do you think she would leave me for?”  
A rare expression crossed Shahvee’s face: a frown. “Now Sofie, don’t choose to be miserable. Choose happiness. Why spend ages worrying about something your Mama wouldn’t willingly do?” Glancing at her chest where an amulet of Zenithar hung from her neck, Shahvee went on: “Your Mama is a kind hearted soul. Somebody who would go into a den of bandits to return a stolen amulet to someone who couldn’t afford to pay her wouldn’t abandon a child she’d spent several months caring for.”  
“What if she dies?”  
“No point in worrying about that unless it happens, little one. As it is, I doubt the war will last much longer now Haafingar is the only Hold the Stormcloaks don’t control and the dragons don’t attack. Do you still make potions to help your Mama stay alive?”  
Sofie nodded. “Did you know snowberries and dragon’s tongues make a potion that helps you resist fire?”  
“No, Sofie, I didn’t. That can’t be very useful in this cold land.”  
“It is when dragons attack you. Unless they are the kind of dragon that breathes ice. Some of them do.”   
“I must admit, whenever I start to feel unhappy I just think about your mother. Then I’m happy I’m not expected to fight dragons, just tan leather and catch fish.”  
“You catch fish? I didn’t know that. What sort of fishing rod do you use?”  
“Only humans, elves and khajiit need to use rods. Argonian’s catch their fish by swimming.”  
“You must be very good at holding your breath.”  
Shahvee laughed. “Not at all. Argonian’s catch their fish by swimming because we can breathe under water.”  
“Wow! I wish I could do that. I could catch my own fish then.”  
“Is Elda not feeding you properly? If you talked to your Mama about it I’m quite sure she’d feed you more.”  
“Elda feeds me enough. But fish can be used in alchemy. Except salmon.”  
“Really? Wait here a second.” When Shahvee returned, she handed over several fish. “Here. I went fishing the other day. Make some potions for your Mama from them.”

Sofie had originally dragged over a chair to reach the alchemy table in Hjerim and began experimenting out boredom. By the time she finished flower hunting and talking to Shahvee there was an awful lot of time until dinner left. As nobody ever knew when Mama was coming home, it was inevitable flowers found more than three days ago became unworthy of gifting. But dying flowers retained their alchemical properties, if not their beauty. As soon as Sofie became good enough to start producing potions she began giving them all to Mama because anything that increased her chance of staying alive to come home again was worth doing. After she’d finished seeing what sort of flowers did and didn’t make a useful potion with fish (mostly stamina potions and poisons), it was time to sweep the floors, her only chore. This was another reason Sofie rather liked having a Mama. Back when she had a Father there had been a lot more chores, with higher standards of completion and harsher consequences when the standards were not met. The worst Mama had ever done was a vague remark that she had forgotten to sweep the corner. The soft sound of the broom swishing and Sofie’s little leather clad feet shuffling over the floor were the only noises in the silent, empty house for an hour. It was a relief to lock the door of Hjerim again and go to the inn. At least there were people talking there, even if no one was talking to Sofie. 

Dinners at Candlehearth Hall were always more lively than breakfast or lunch. A lot more people came into the inn during the evening. This meant there was a decent chance she’d have to eat in the corner because all the seats were taken. Tonight her usual table had been taken by the Shattershields but there was one free. Normally this would have been a cause for celebration but the table in question was Stenvar’s usual table. _He must have taken Brunwulf’s contract. Now if he has conversations about Mama fighting dragons I’m not going to hear them!_ It was a blow not even the rich, substantial taste of mammoth steak was able to soothe. It was the advantage of more people being in the inn during the evening; the food tended to be more interesting. While she was eating she did her best to listen to the conversations around her, not easy due to how many of them there were. All the Shattershields were talking about was their murdered daughter, unsurprisingly. The only other thing Sofie had ever heard them talking about was ordering more mead. Death ended up being the theme of the evening. Captain Lonely-Gale spent ages talking about his dead wife to Viola Giordano, who got grumpier the more the dead woman was mentioned. Adonato had gotten drunk. Most people didn’t notice because he was an introverted, gloomy drunk, but Sofie was practiced at spotting the signs. Everyone who came within earshot got told all about how he couldn’t believe Isabella was gone, such a helpful lass, a pity the Dragonborn hadn’t caught the Butcher earlier. Normally Sofie didn’t go home until it started getting dark because being alone surrounded by people was better than being alone by yourself, but when Nils responded to Adonato’s maudlin ramblings with a remark about how much he missed having Susanna around she decided it was time to go. All this talk of dead people just made her anxious about Mama. 

Her hand was on Hjerim’s door handle when Sofie suddenly, fiercely regretted the decision. The second she stepped inside the threshold, Sofie would be surrounded the utter silence which only existed when you were completely alone again, with nothing to distract her from the all too real possibility of it being forever. She couldn’t go back inside, not yet. But equally she couldn’t go back to Candlehearth Hall. There was no point in going back there to escape thinking about being alone forever again listen to all the people talking about their own loved ones who left them alone forever. That presumed Elda would even let her inside. She never had back before Mama adopted her. Sofie suspected Elda still thought of her as street trash, not the Dragonborn’s daughter, and only allowed her to come inside her inn because she got paid to do so. With both Hjerim and Candlehearth Hall impossible to go to, it only left Sofie one option. 

After arriving at the docks it took Sofie several minutes to find Shahvee as she wasn’t in any of her usual spots. Neither were Scouts-Many-Marshes, Neetrenaza or Stands-In-Shallows, which was odd. They were paid by the hour, and none of them liked to forgo the few more septims stopping before sunset meant. Eventually Sofie opened the door of the Argonian Assemblage to peer inside. Shahvee was kneeling on the floor with Neetrenaza sorting a small pile of items into a pair of sacks. Scouts-Many-Marshes was holding several tiny cloth bag arguing with Stands-In-Shallows. “Why did you take these?” Scouts-Many-Marshes snapped.   
The ragged old Argonian spread his hands. “It’s exactly the sort of thing which is ideal to go missing. Small and valuable.”  
“What good is something valuable if we can’t fence it? It’s sugar. By the time we’ve swum across the White River it will have dissolved!”  
“Stands-in-Shallows knows that,” said Neetrenaza. “I bet he was hoping to turn it into skooma.”  
Scouts-Many-Marshes snorted. “Like we have the materials to refine moon sugar…”  
Sofie, having no idea what they were arguing about, decided to walk inside. Shahvee hadn’t been speaking so she wouldn’t interrupt her conversation. “Hello, Shahvee.” Her greeting caused a flurry of activity from everyone. Neetrenaza threw the nearby sack haphazardly over the pile of items still on the ground. Scouts-Many-Marshes whipped around, putting the bags he was holding behind his back, while Stands-in-Shallows raced over to shut the door behind Sofie. Shavee didn’t move, but she did not look pleased to see Sofie. “Um…Hello. What are you doing here? It’s getting late. Shouldn’t you be going home? It’s dangerous to be on the streets after dark.”  
“I didn’t want to go home yet.”  
Shahvee stood up, kicking the sack over some still visible rings from the pile of items as she did. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to, little one. I’m about to go out. Why don’t you come back tomorrow…”  
“Where are you going? I thought Argonian’s weren’t allowed in the city.”  
“We aren’t,” Neetrenaza muttered.   
Shahvee ignored him. “A Khajiit caravan has set up outside of Windhelm, directly across the river from us. I’m going to see what sort of items they have for sale.”  
“Can I come too? Please?”  
“Little one, you aren’t an Argonian. How are you supposed to cross the river with me?”  
After a brief pause spent pondering the unjustness of the gods for allowing Nords to be born without the ability to breathe underwater, Sofie had a brainwave. “I can still come. I can go through the city, across the bridge and meet you there.”  
“No.” At the same time as Shahvee spoke, Scouts-Many-Marshes said, “Yes. Yes, you can come. On one condition.” The Argonian took his hands out from behind his back to offer her the bags he was holding. “Take these to the caravan in your pockets without telling anyone you have them.”  
“Scouts! She’s a little girl! How could you let her get involved in this? What if she gets caught?” Sofie couldn’t help shrinking a little at Shahvee’s tone. She’d never seen her angry before.   
“There is not any risk for her in this. You said it yourself, she’s a little girl. She gets caught with moon sugar in her pocket all they’ll do to her is ask who she got it from, upon which she’ll tell them. It’s no more of a risk to us than we’re already taking.”  
“Plus everyone knows the Dragonborn is completely gaga about that kid,” Neetrenaza added. “Even if she isn’t sleeping with the Jarl no one would dare mess with her.” The Argonian turned to face Sofie after that sentence. “Are those rumours true or not? You’d be in a position to know.”  
“I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to talk about their sleepovers. The Jarl would be angry if I did.” To Sofie’s relief, Neetrenaza laughed. She’d been expecting her answer to make Neetrenaza angry. An unpleasant prospect, but better than Jarl Ulfric being angry. Scouts-Many-Marshes and Stands-in-Shallows laughed with him. Shahvee did not. “The Dragonborn isn’t here to protect her from any consequences right now. I can’t let you involve her!”  
Before Shahvee could forbid her to go, Sofie shoved the little bags into her pockets while scurrying to the door. “I’ll meet you there!” she called over her shoulder, pretending she couldn’t hear Shahvee calling her back. 

It was a long walk back through Windhelm, across the bridge and along the river to where the Khajiit were camping. Sofie was panting and terrified she’d taken so long to get there the Argonians would have come and gone. To her profound relief when came close enough to start seeing the features of the figures around the campfire, two of them were scaly instead of furry. Shahvee saw her coming and left the fire to meet her. Her river crossing had been recent enough that her skirt clung to her legs and she left a trail of water drops behind her. “You had no trouble getting here? Nobody talked to you or tried to stop you?”  
Sofie shook her head. “People don’t talk to me much.”   
“Good. Now for Zenithar’s sake give me that moon sugar. It’s not something a child should ever touch. If Scouts-Many-Marshes tries to give you any again, refuse.”

Having achieved her purpose of accompanying Shahvee to the Khajiit, Sofie willingly pulled out the bags from her pockets. Before she could offer them to Shahvee the Argonian snatched them out of her hands and hurried them back to the campfire where Scouts-Many-Marshes and one of the Khajiit were sorting a rapidly diminishing pile of things into two smaller piles, one next to the Khajiit and one next to the dockworker. The Khajiit’s pile was bigger than Scouts-Many-Marshes. Sofie thought she recognised a few of them from the pile the Argonians had been sorting through back in their Assemblage. As the campfire was also where all the people were Sofie started walking over, only stopping when she was accosted by one of the Khajiit from where he was sitting in his tent.   
“Tools, wares and weapons. All for sale at fair prices.” When Sofie turned to look at the brown and black striped cat-man, who smiled at her. Sofie had never been so close to a Khajiit before and was fascinated to see he had fangs like a real cat. “Khajiit has wares, if you have coin.”  
“Sorry. I don’t have any coin. I didn’t ask my Mama for any allowance when I saw her last.” The Khajiit’s response to this was to give her outfit a long look, lingering on the lace around her collar and elvish dagger belted to her waist. Before Mama anyone examining her outfit had finished by treating her with dismissive disregard if she was lucky, overt hostility if she was not. This Khajiit responded by widening his smile, another reason life with a Mama was better. “Mama clearly has a lot to spend on her little girl. Come see Khajiit’s wares. You are sure to spot something that’ll have you running to Mama begging for an allowance.”  
Some of the items he had sitting in front of him did look interesting. The nice Khajiit, who introduced himself as Ma’dran, let her spend a while holding a pretty enchanted dagger. It was made of ebony, the deep blackness of the weapon allowing the fire enchantment to sparkle crimson as she moved it in the light of the lanterns. He also spent a long time making her admire a ruffled dress which Ma’dran made a point of telling her was the latest creation from Radiant Raiment, whom Sofie had never heard of but seemed to be significant. It was when Ma’dran invited her inside the tent to see his dolls and wooden swords that she spotted the fox, or perhaps the fox spotted her would have been more accurate. The first she realised there was another living creature in the tent was when she felt the wet nose nudging her leg. When she looked down the little red animal tethered to a peg in the ground, it was so thrilled at the attention it reared up to paw her skirt, panting with excitement. When she kneeled on the ground, allowing it to scramble into her lap while she petted the excited panting escalated to squeaking.   
“See this dolly? Her eyes are made of real mother of pearl…ah. I see the fox kit introduced itself.”  
Sofie didn’t look up from the fox nibbling her fingers as its ears were scratched. “I think it likes me.”  
“The kit likes everyone. It’s why he’s such an annoyance. If it wasn’t for the soldiers paying such high prices for leather this one would probably have left it by the side of the road to die. This one counts the days until it is big enough to get a decent amount of leather from its pelt. Soon. Isn’t this dolly nicer? It just sits there without trying to slobber on you…” 

Sofie bolted out of the tent without waiting to hear the end, not stopping until she reached the campfire where the Argonian’s still stood. Shahvee, kneeling to re-bag the small pile of items beside her companion had been Sofie’s initial target until she saw the other Khajiit handing over a large handful of septims to Scouts-Many-Marshes. Sofie didn’t know the other Argonian’s nearly as well as Shahvee, mostly because she was too nervous to talk to them and they’d never shown much interest in talking to her. Still, he’d never tried to hit Sofie or yell at her before she’d become the Dragonborn’s daughter which made Scouts-Many-Marshes less frightening than a lot of people in Windhelm.   
“Could I please borrow some money? There’s this fox Ma’Dran is going to kill soon so he can turn it into leather. I don’t want it to die because it’s lovely so I need to buy it but I don’t have any money. When my Mama gets home I’ll ask her for an allowance and pay you back. Please!”  
Scouts-Many-Marshes looked at her blankly. “Could you repeat that a little more slowly?”

After she’d explained it a few more times, carefully keeping her temper in check, Shahvee understood. “She wants you to buy her a fox the Khajiit are selling. Why don’t you? You can afford to after the price you got from the moon sugar. Don’t smugglers normally get a cut?”  
This remark caused Scouts-Many-Marshes to flick Shahvee a look that would have had made Sofie quake if it had been directed at her. Judging from her snort, Shahvee was made of sterner stuff.  
“Alright. I’ll buy you this fox if you agree to the following. I want you to promise not to tell anyone about our visiting the caravan to sell items.”  
As she’d have agreed to something far more onerous to save the fox the promise spilled readily from Sofie’s lips until Scouts-Many-Marshes shushed her. “I want you to understand what that really means first. Don’t tell anyone we visited the caravan. Don’t tell anyone we had items to sell the caravans, especially not what they were. Don’t tell anyone you took anything through Windhelm for us. And when I say anyone, I mean anyone. Not even your Mama or your Mama’s housecarl.”  
This time Sofie’s eager promise seemed to satisfy the Argonian because he finally walked over to Ma’Dran. “I’m reliably informed you have a fox for sale. I’m here to buy it.”  
“This one is afraid you have been misinformed. It is not big enough to provide a decent amount of leather yet. If you want leather this one has other, bigger pelts for sale. You wouldn’t even have to kill, skin and tan them yourself.” Fearing something irrevocably terrible might happen before Scouts-Many-Marshes convinced Ma’Dran to sell, Sofie ducked passed the caravan leader to clutch the fox while the Argonian convinced the sceptical Khajiit he wanted to buy it alive. The fox writhed joyfully in her grasp, washing every piece of bare skin it could reach and shedding over her dress. _It’s such a sweet fox. It doesn’t deserve to die. I hope Ma’Dran will sell it._ Sofie didn’t breathe easy until septims finally changed hands and Ma’Dran untied the fox’s tether, cursing as it tried to lick his fingers. They weren’t the worst curses she’d ever heard, but memories of people lashing out not long after cursing her still made Sofie uneasy enough to keep the fox safely in her arms, where it was extremely happy to stay. From the ecstatic way it was snuggling against her it may have been harder to put it down.  
“Thank you, Shahvee and Scouts-Many-Marshes. I’ll take the fox home now.” _Before Ma’Dran can change his mind and kill it_ Sofie finished in the privacy of her mind. Long, bitter experience had taught her adults couldn’t be trusted not to do so. Their minds changed too easily for Sofie’s liking.   
Shahvee waved her goodbye with a silent smile. Scouts-Many-Marshes spoke. “Don’t forget your promise Sofie. If anyone asks where you got the fox from, say I found it drowning in the river and gave it to you.”  
“Of course. Thank you again. Goodnight.”

Sofie didn’t put the fox down until she got inside. To open the door she had to tuck the fox under one arm, causing its legs to dangle unsupported which it didn’t like much judging from the protesting little whines. While she was closing the door it managed to wiggle from her grasp to land on the floor. Getting dropped didn’t seem to faze it in the slightest, to Sofie’s relief. The reverse. The fox promptly trotted briskly off to begin a thorough exploration of the sights and smells of the entire ground floor. It didn’t seem to mind Sofie following it from room to room, watching captivated. In fact it seemed to quite enjoy the company, frequently taking a break from crawling under furniture, poking its nose into various crannies and batting interesting items around the floor to nudge her hand until she petted it. Once it even rolled over so she could scratch its belly. It was a glorious way to spend the evening. The hours between dinner and bed when Mama and Calder weren’t home were usually spent sitting in her bedroom trying with varying levels of desperation to find her training dummy, books and drums fascinating enough to ignore the fact the house was utterly silent with how alone she was. The fox was fascinating without her having to try to make it so, and its constant movement and breathing was noisy enough to completely drown out Sofie’s aloneness. To her delight, when her yawning became to frequent to ignore and she went to her bedroom the fox followed her, curling up next to her bed after she huddled under her blankets. Sofie found sleep listening to the soothing rhythm of the fox’s inhaling and exhaling.

It was the fox which lost her sleep the next day, jumping on the bed to stick its tongue in her ear to celebrate the arrival of morning. It was several minutes of mutual tickling before Sofie got up to check Mama and Calder’s beds were empty, the fox pattering after her crying at the abrupt loss of attention until Sofie started petting it again. After some time spent with the fox she had to grab the first dress easily to hand (her blue one) and race out the door with still tangled hair. 

The wind was as cold as it had been yesterday, making Sofie wonder if the Khajiit had been cold last night in their tent outside Windhelm or if their fur protected them. Elda didn’t break her usual rule of silently handing her a bowl of stew, although she did give Sofie’s hairstyle a frown. Sofie’s normal rule in dealing with Elda was to silently accept whatever was on offer but things were going to have to change. Gathering her courage, Sofie opened her mouth. “Is there any of the mammoth steak leftover from last night, please?”  
Elda, so used to silence, had already begun to turn away when Sofie spoke. Her voice caused her to turn back with a frown. “Vegetable stew isn’t good enough for you, is it?”  
“It’s good enough for me but not my fox. It needs meat.”  
“How long have you had a fox?”  
“Since last night.”  
Elda didn’t say anything. Sofie suspected she was slowly deciding to say no. Before she could say it, Sofie used her strongest persuasion. “I’m sure my Mama would want you to feed my fox as well as me. She might be angry if you don’t.”  
That decided Elda in Sofie’s favour. She could tell from the widening then narrowing of Elda’s eyes before she muttered: “You can have some beef. I’m not giving you prime mammoth to waste on a beast.”

This was a perfectly acceptable compromise Sofie cheerfully agreed to. When she went upstairs to eat Stenvar and Adonato’s tables were empty. Stenvar must still be out on his contract, and Sofie suspected Adonato was sleeping off his hangover, which was what Rolff should have been doing instead of clutching his head in between glowering at the bard playing the flute and muttering about sending all the filthy grey-skins back to Morrowind where they belonged. Sofie kept a careful eye on him as she was gulping down her meal in case his hangover got the better of him and she needed to make a quick exit, but he showed no interest in her. 

Getting home to feed the fox then to Wuunferth on time forced her to run. Wuunferth gave her such a look of outrage she thought for a second she was late. “Did you not brush your hair this morning?”  
When she shook her head the wizard stalked over to his dresser to pull out a comb. “Well, brush it now. If you have to come here try at least to not look like street trash. When you’re done we’ll work on your reading comprehension. Read the first three pages of the book on your desk out loud.”

For lunch Elda and Sofie were able to keep to silence as the innkeeper gave her some more beef with her clam chowder. Adonato was up now, although Sofie suspected from the way he massaged his temples and the little grunts he gave every time Rolff broke off detailing his plan to dig a hole to throw all the Argonians and Dark Elves into that he wished he had stayed in bed. She successfully avoided all attention until she finished her meal and headed back downstairs.   
“…city would be much safer. That girl was wandering around the Grey Quarter. Who knows what the grey-skins would have done to an innocent little Nord child otherwise? You won’t be going there now, will you kid?”  
“I’m going home now,” Sofie said. The truth was always better than being forced into a lie. And it was true. The fox needed lunch. 

The fox was equally thrilled with seeing Sofie again as it was with eating the beef. It was fortunate Sofie had no lessons in the afternoons or she certainly would have been late to them. By the end of their play session Sofie’s dress was covered in slobber and fur. She nearly kept playing with it the thought of not having fresh flowers to present to Mama in case she came home this evening was enough to drive her from the house. 

The fox seemed to realise she was trying to leave it behind yet again and took determined action to prevent this, racing out the door the instant it was opened. At first Sofie was alarmed at the constant running back and forth but stopped when she realised its motivation was not escaping her, merely pursuing particularly curious smells during their walk. After the fear of being left alone by her newfound companion receded Sofie happily began her daily flower search, ultimately locating a bunch of lavender near Candlehearth Hall, a blue mountain flower in Niranye’s garden and a red mountain flower near the gates out of the city. Taking the fox to the docks to visit Shahvee put it in a paradise of delectable aromas. “Wow,” Sofie remarked, watching it dashing to and fro. “I had no idea foxes thought the smell of fish was so exciting. I wonder why? I never liked the smell much.”   
Shahvee laughed as the fox’s enthusiasm to explore a new corner caused it to misjudge its speed and trip over its feet. Alarm that the fox might have hurt itself never had time to manifest as the fox instantly leapt up and ran at the same speed to follow whatever scent had caused such intense interest. “Animals tend to have much a better sense of smell than people. It probably smells more exciting to the fox than it will ever be for me and you. What have you named the kit?”  
Sofie had not realised she was expected to name the fox. Not wanting to disappoint Shahvee she simply repeated the last word spoken: “Kit.”  
“I am surprised. I thought you might name it after a flower or your Mama.”  
“Am I supposed to?”  
“No, no. If you’ve picked Kit, Kit is the name he is supposed to have. Has he been a good fox so far?”  
“He’s been the best fox ever! It was really interested in smelling everything in Hjerim last night but it wanted to play too. We played tug of war…” There was really an awful lot to tell Shahvee about the fox. About Kit. The Argonian didn’t get much of a chance to talk after that, although she didn’t seem to mind judging by her frequent smiles. “I’m glad Kit is making you happy. Scouts-Many-Marshes did a good deed when he rescued it from the White River, didn’t he?” Shahvee had an uncharacteristic edge to her voice at the last sentence. Sofie didn’t let herself be alarmed by it. She knew what Shahvee was trying to remind her of. “He did. Kit is lucky not to have drowned.”  
The edge went out of Shahvee’s voice. “Indeed he was, you good girl.”

Walking back home took a while because Kit get kept distracted, but was eventually managed. The excursion must have worn it out as it decided to have a nap next to the alchemy lab while Sofie experimented with her potions. She was halfway through a potion to resist frost when she heard the two most glorious sounds in the world: the front door opening and an elvish female speaking.  
“Would you stop acting like I plan to completely ignore the Jarl, Calder! I’m doing no such thing. I just want to clean myself up first.”  
The resist frost potion forgotten, Sofie scrambled off her chair.  
“But it won’t take long to give the report. You were dirtier after we’d finished in the Reach and he didn’t mind…”   
Sofie was running through the house as the man was speaking. His familiar voice was the third most glorious sound in the world.   
“Because he made me take a bath! If you had to have a bath while someone was watching, you wouldn’t be so keen to…”   
Sofie had reached the front room by this stage and accelerated towards the speakers to throw her arms around the woman. “Mama! You’re home!”

Mama instantly broke off from her talk with Calder to kneel on the floor, making it easier to return the embrace. It wasn’t terribly comfortable as she hadn’t taken off her Stormcloak mail or dragonscale gauntlets yet but Sofie was too delighted at having her Mama in the house with her again to care. She didn’t pull back until Mama did. “Why, what’s that doing inside? How did a fox get past Windhelm’s gates?”   
Kit trotted right up to them, placed his paws on Mama’s thigh and sniffed her fingers. Mama began unfastening her gauntlets to scratch Kit’s ears. “My, it’s tame.”  
“Look Mama, I have a new friend. Can I keep him? Please? His name’s Kit.”  
“Alright. Where did you get him from?”  
“He was a present from Scouts-Many-Marshes. He rescued him from drowning in the river then gave him to me. I got you a present too!” Sofie ran to the table where she kept fresh flowers. “I hope you like them.”  
Mama took the bunch with one hand and took off her helmet with the other, letting Sofie see her face. “I love them. Thank you.” Sofie basked in the warmth of Mama’s smile, thanking each of the nine divines that she’d gone to find flowers today. The thought that she might have missed the smile by not going to get more flowers was so terrible, even contemplated briefly, Sofie found herself wrapping her arms around Mama’s chest. She didn’t get to hold onto Mama for long because Calder scooped her up. He had no trouble lifting her or making her lose her grip as his years as an elite Stormcloak prior to his housecarl assignment meant he was strong. Calder’s continued failure to use his strength on her to do anything worse than a hug meant Sofie had found it less alarming time went on.  
“Hello Sofie. Good to see you again. I’m afraid we can’t stay long. Faire hasn’t given her report to the Jarl yet. It won’t take long and we’ll be back straight after…well…I’ll certainly be back straight after.”  
“Auriel preserve me Calder, would you stop nagging? I have no intention of not making my report in a reasonable amount of time. I’ll go wash up now so I can get it over with quickly.” Mama walked into the kitchen to grab some water then upstairs, watched by uneasily by Sofie as she pulled back from Calder’s embrace. “Is Mama alright? She didn’t seem happy.”  
Calder frowned after her. “I’m sure Faire isn’t unhappy with you. Why don’t you go talk to her for a bit?” he said, putting her down. “Once she’s reported to the Jarl she probably won’t be back until morning. Better make the most of what time you’ve got together. You and I can talk this evening.”

Mama was removing her mail when Sofie poked her head around the door. She didn’t seem angry, which was lucky as Kit managed to squirm past Sofie and trot inside Mama’s bedroom to frisk around her feet and investigate her discarded backpack while Sofie was waiting to be noticed.   
“Hello, Sofie. Did you want to talk?”  
“Yes.” Sofie slipped inside the room to sit on the bed. “How was Hjaalmarch? Were you safe?”  
“Conquering it was better than Whiterun, the Reach or Falkreath. Less fighting. General Stone-Fist had me take some orders from a courier. That didn’t go too badly. Killing one person is never as… provoking as being on an actual battlefield is. There was only one battlefield as well, with less enemies thanks to the General’s forged orders. It didn’t take as long as normal after the fighting to…” Mama broke off, which didn’t surprise Sofie. She had never liked talking about the times her dragon overwhelmed her reason. “There were only two dragons in Hjaalmarch to deal with as well, although of course one of them decided to roost on top of the biggest, coldest, furthest mountain it could find. There were three empty mounds but the dragons in them had been resurrected and flown away long ago. I stayed longer than I’d planned because a murder investigation ended with my having to eradicate a vampire lair. I managed to use my bow for all of that. Calder and poor Thonnir did all the close quarters sword work.” That was Mama’s way of saying she’d managed to stay in control. Being in combat close enough to smell blood always made her dragon take over. Mama had stripped down to her tunic by now. She removed the pins fastening her hair to the back of her head, letting the gold waves cascade down to her waist. “Hjaalmarch was teeming with deathbells. Have you ever seen a deathbell?” Mama asked, reaching for the jug of water.   
“Once or twice, Mama. They’re very purple.”  
“Aren’t they? And so many petals. They were the only flower of note in the entire region. Don’t look disappointed darling, I still bought you plenty of alchemy ingredients. Hjaalmarch is famous for fungus and lichen. I have snowberries as well. I found those climbing the dragon’s mountain. Would you mind going to the wardrobe and taking out my blue dress while I dry myself off, please?”

Sofie did, taking great care not to let the curious Kit shed on it. The blue dress was an extremely elegant one, a gift from Jarl Ulfric. Mama only ever wore it when she was going to see him. It was a pity she had to cover herself up in a hooded cloak whenever she did, but Mama didn’t want to be recognised by a secret Thalmor agent. Even with her face concealed under a hood, the dress left a great deal of her chest and arms bare. Anyone who could see Mama’s yellow skin would instantly know she was an Altmer.  
“Thank you Sofie. I didn’t only find you alchemy materials. I found a doll.”  
“A doll? Did you find it at the Khajiit caravan?”  
“No. In the vampire’s lair.” Mama’s voice was slightly muffled as she pulled the dress over her head.   
“Were they child vampires?”  
“No, all adults. Can you give me some help with the back of this ridiculous dress?”  
“Yes Mama. If the vampires weren’t children, why did they have a doll?”  
Mama didn’t say anything initially as Sofie tugged on the blue dress’s laces. “I found it in a barrel with a lot of other things they clearly had acquired but couldn’t use themselves. I think whoever used to own that doll had something terrible done to them by the vampires lived there.”  
Sofie’s heart overflowed with pity. The doll was an orphan which had been alone for a long time. _Like I was. At least it will be safe with me from now on._ “Where is it?”  
“In my backpack. I’ll find it for you. I need my comb anyway.”   
Sofie patiently waited while Mama rifled through her gear until she found a small bundle carefully wrapped in cloth. “It’s in here.”   
Her first impression of the doll when Mama placed it in her waiting hands was of softness. The doll’s body was made of a brown woven cloth and fine yellow fibers for hair pulled into two pigtails. The only firm thing about the doll was the brown buttons sewed on for eyes. It didn’t have any clothes to hide the patch someone in the past had used to repair a large gash in her stomach. Poor dolly. Sofie raised her head to look at Mama. She was sitting on the bed pulling the comb through her golden hair. “Thank you for the dolly Mama. I’ll take good care of her. Do you know where the dress I was wearing when we first met is?”  
“I burnt it.”  
“Oh.”  
“It wasn’t a suitable dress for any daughter of mine, so you wouldn’t have gotten it back to wear even if I hadn’t.”  
“I didn’t wanted to wear it, Mama. I like my new dresses more. It’s just some of the material on my old dress wasn’t dirty. I wanted to cut it up to make a dress for the dolly.”  
“I’ll buy you some nice material at the market when I get a chance to go. Tomorrow morning if the Jarl isn’t in a demanding mood, tomorrow afternoon if he is.” Mama pulled the comb through her hair a little more vigorously than her previous strokes.  
Such unexpected extravagance made Sofie speechless for an instant. “We can afford it? We wouldn’t have to skip a meal?”  
“No, sweetheart. I’ve come back with much more than my usual Stormcloak salary. The new Jarl of Morthal paid me handsomely for solving her murder and we took as much as we could carry from the vampire cave, seeing as only one Morthal resident was brave enough to help Calder and me. Not that I begrudge that. Thonnir has a son he now has to raise alone. If anyone in Morthal needed septims it was him. Could you please get my cloak? The long one with the hood. It’s in the cupboard next to my bed.”

It was while Sofie was sorting through the clothes in the small container she heard behind her the heavy footsteps coming upstairs to the door. Mama put her newly shod feet on the ground with slightly more than necessary force as she stood up. “I’m nearly ready, Calder. We’ll go soon. I just need to put my hair up.”  
“No you don’t. Leave it down.”  
The voice, which Sofie had so confidently expecting to be Calder’s, wasn’t. As they had spoken recently, Sofie recognised it. Kneeling on the floor to the left of the bed she was already partly concealed. This didn’t stop her hunching closer on the ground on top of Kit to be completely unseen. She was fairly sure they were both safe with Mama in the room but Sofie loathed risks. And anyway, why would she want to talk to the person who kept sending a parent away to fight in the war he had started with murder? 

Mama seemed as surprised as Sofie was. “Jarl Ulfric? What are you doing here? How did you even know I was here? I only got back a few minutes ago.”  
From her huddled position Sofie didn’t have a good view of either adult, but from the measured footsteps it sounded like the Jarl was walking closer to Mama. “I had standing orders for the gate guards to send a message when you returned, seeing as you were taking an awfully long time.”  
“I’m terribly sorry. I’ll explain why in my report. I was about to go to the Palace of the Kings to give it directly to you.”  
“So I see.” The Jarl’s voice was altering. Sofie wasn’t sure what emotion was changing his voice to a husky throb. Was it anger? Should she be frightened?  
“You needn’t have come here.”  
“I don’t need to come here and yet I want to.” From the heavy footsteps it sounded like the Jarl was closing the distance between himself and Mama rapidly.   
“Not here,” Mama hissed so quietly Sofie had trouble hearing it.  
“Here seems an excellent place to me.” Sofie had no trouble hearing the Jarl’s response as he spoke at a normal volume. The sound of footsteps had stopped, and been replaced with the sound of material rustling.   
“Sofie dearest, get off the floor and make your curtsey to Jarl Ulfric. You can play with Kit later.” There was a sharpness to Mama’s tone that had Sofie stand up quickly, dropping Kit to grasp her skirt. “Hello.”  
Mama or the Jarl didn’t seem to pay much attention to her words. The Jarl took several steps backwards, putting distance between himself and Mama as rapidly as he’d closed it. Mama was adjusting her dress, not looking at either of them. Her cheeks were as flushed as the Jarls, but she didn’t seem angry. Sofie wasn’t as sure about the Jarl. When he looked at directly at Sofie he was frowning. Fortunately for Sofie’s peace of mind he didn’t frown at her for long before turning to Mama. “Isn’t it time she went to bed?”  
Mama folded her arms, glaring. “Certainly not. It isn’t dark and she hasn’t been naughty. She hasn’t even had dinner.” 

She hadn’t been sure if Mama was angry with her earlier. Now Sofie was sure she hadn’t been because she certainly was now. Sofie couldn’t tell whether she was relieved or upset. It was a relief Mama was not mad at her but it couldn’t be safe being angry at the Jarl of Windhelm. He certainly looked stunned. Fear of what might happen to Mama when the Jarl got over his shock enough to decide he was angry too drove Sofie to speak in an effort to dissipate the tension. “How nice of you to visit our house, Jarl Ulfric. Would you like to stay for dinner?”  
The Jarl glanced at Sofie, then at Mama who was smoothing her dress over her hips, then at Sofie again. “It appears I will be.”  
Now it was Sofie’s turn to be stunned. Asking people to dinner was just what you did to be polite. She hadn’t expected him to say yes. Jarls did not have meals with commoners like her, Calder and Mama. Or at least her and Calder. Sometimes Sofie wondered if her Mama had been born a noblewoman but she never talked about her life before Skyrim. The only time Sofie had asked Mama had refused to answer, saying it was safer not to discuss it.   
“We order food from Candlehearth Hall. I fear our humble dinner will not be of the standard you are used to, Jarl Ulfric.”  
“During the Great War I was a soldier for the Imperials and a prisoner of the Thalmor. After experiencing what those two decadent empires considered an acceptable standard for a Nord, common inn fare will be fine.” The Jarl glanced at Sofie. “Seeing as bed time is not for a while you may as well give me your report now.” 

Mama stood to attention in a soldierly pose at odds with her dress. When Kit pawed her leg Sofie was quite happy to sit down and play with him. The grown up conversation was dull. Mama was only talking about stuff she’d done that Sofie already knew. When Ulfric asked a question it was never anything remotely interesting, just estimations of supplies and troops remaining, whether the dragon guarded a word wall and elaboration on the history of the late Master Vampire of Morthal. Sofie couldn’t imagine why anyone would prefer to talk about such boring topics when Kit was rolling on the floor waving his paws in the air. The talking was so tedious it took Mama a few attempts before Sofie realised she was being spoken to directly. “Sofie dear? Sofie? Stop playing with Kit and look at me. Good girl. Would you mind going downstairs and asking Calder to fetch us dinner? Make sure you tell him Jarl Ulfric is joining us.”  
“Yes Mama.”

Since Calder had been assigned as Mama’s housecarl Sofie had seen a lot of expressions on his face. Today, however was the first time she saw him astonished. “Jarl Ulfric is staying for dinner? Here? Does that mean he’s not taking Faire back to the palace tonight?”  
“I don’t know. But he is certainly staying for dinner. I invited him to be polite. He wasn’t supposed to say yes.” Sofie pouted, brooding on the inexplicable contrariness of authority. Why did they always do exactly what you didn’t want them to?  
“He knows we buy it from Candlehearth Hall because nobody has the septims to hire a chef or knows how to cook, doesn’t he?”  
“He said inn fare is better than what two decadent empires gave him.” When Sofie’s remark only caused Calder’s astonished expression to change to bewilderment she clarified: “He meant the Cyrodiil Empire and the Thalmor.”  
Calder’s bewildered expression did not change. “Right. I guess I’d better go get dinner. Let’s not risk the Jarl being displeased about having to wait. You stay here. It’s snowing pretty heavily out there. I don’t want you to get ill with those weak lungs of yours.”  
“Do I have weak lungs?”  
“I’m sure of it. Faire told me how long it took to nurse you back to health after she found you. Hardly surprising, considering how long you were living on the streets.” 

When Calder left, Sofie instantly ran back upstairs to Mama’s bedroom. Technically she wasn’t alone downstairs with Kit trotting at her heels but there was no point in being alone of the company of people if there were some in the house.   
“Calder has gone to get dinner, Mama!” she called. “I remembered to tell him Jarl Ulfric was joining us. Can I come in?”  
“Just wait five seconds Sofie.”  
Sofie knew being obedient was important for harmonious relations so she counted to five before opening the door. Jarl Ulfric was standing next to the bed, but Sofie dismissed him from her attention in favour of Mama who was on the bed, propped up on one elbow and tugging her skirt down with the other.   
“Why are you lying down? Are you feeling sick?” When Sofie walked closer she became more concerned. “Why is your neck bruised? What happened?”  
“Nothing!” Mama took her hand away from her skirt to cast a restoration spell, bathing herself in light, causing the red and purple marks on her skin to fade into her natural gold. “Look, see. All gone. I’m fine.”   
“Then why are you lying down?”  
“I’m not.” Technically Mama wasn’t being untruthful as she had by now swung her legs over the side of the bed and pulled herself upright but it didn’t change the fact she had been lying down.   
“Are you sure you aren’t sick?” Sofie had been so little when her first Mama died that her memories of her weren’t good, but she did remember her being sick before dying.   
“No. I was…um…tired. It’s a long way between Morthal and Windhelm. All that walking. Don’t look worried, I’m fine, really.” Mama reached over to pull Sofie into her lap.   
“She goes to bed after dinner, right?” Jarl Ulfric muttered.  
“We play dice for a little while first, then Mama reads me a story and sings me a lullaby before bed.” This response got Sofie a deeply unfriendly look from the Jarl, which was confusing. He’d asked a question and she’d answered it. Why was that bad? Wouldn’t not answering the question be worse? Mama stood up quickly, still holding her. “Why don’t we go downstairs and set the table ready for when Calder comes back with our meal?” she said in an unusually cheerful voice, walking out of the bedroom before Sofie had a chance to reply. “Tell me what you’ve been doing while I was gone? What’s Wuunferth being teaching you? Did you learn any new alchemy recipes? Have you heard how Nurelion is doing?”  
The Jarl followed them downstairs. He didn’t help them set the table but he also didn’t join in their conversation which Sofie felt was an excellent outcome. 

One advantage to having the Jarl stay for dinner was the meal Calder bought back was far more plentiful and fancy than he normally bought: steamed mudcrab legs, Elsweyr fondue, snowberry crostata and Black-Briar Reserve, not that Sofie was allowed to drink it. Sofie wasn’t allowed to drink alcohol, not even watered down alcohol. She was given milk. It was embarrassing being a milk drinker but she had no choice. Mama was convinced milk was good for children and could not be persuaded that it was a shameful beverage. The only thing she’d say to Sofie’s attempts to explain was that Altmer children drank milk which made them all grow up strong and healthy, now stop perpetuating that idiotic Nord misconception and drink it all, Sofie. Calder sympathised with her humiliation but wouldn’t go against his Thane. At least he promised not to tell anyone. As the Jarl had made no such promise, Sofie kept silent the entire meal hoping he wouldn’t notice what was in her cup. Mind you, she might have done that anyway. Steamed mudcrab legs were savoury, soft meat and snowberry crostata were tart and sweet at the same time. They made up for not being allowed any elswery fondue, which Mama said children couldn’t eat because of the ale and moon sugar. Kit didn’t like snowberry crostata but swallowed the steamed mudcrab legs she gave him enthusiastically. Her silence bothered nobody. The adults seemed to have plenty to talk about without her participating. 

The Jarl opened the conversation. “How was Ralof’s prowess during the battle for Fort Snowhawk?”   
“I’m afraid you’ll have to ask someone else, Jarl Ulfric. I’m not capable of noticing other people during combat.” Mama’s lips twisted a little as she spoke. “I was not even aware he was in Hjaalmarch. I imagine Ralof was careful to avoid me. He doesn’t like me.”  
The Jarl raised his eyebrow. “Really? I always thought he took a fancy to you from the way he ran out of Helgen tower to stop you lying on the ground waiting for the dragon to eat you.”  
“That was right before I decided to follow you out of Helgen instead of jumping out of a tower onto a burning roof like he suggested. I’m not sure he’s forgiven me for rejecting his judgement so completely. And I wasn’t waiting to be eaten, I was recovering from the thu’um I’d taken directly in the face. I imagine it would have killed me if the executioner hadn’t taken the brunt of it.”  
“It’s a good thing you didn’t jump,” Calder said. “If you hadn’t followed the Jarl you wouldn’t have joined the Stormcloaks. If you hadn’t joined the Stormcloaks you wouldn’t have been in Kynesgrove when the dragon was resurrected. And if you hadn’t have been in Kynesgrove when the dragon was resurrected nobody would have ever known you were Dragonborn. That would have been bad for everyone.”  
“Mmm,” Mama said. She glanced at Sofie. “I’m glad I followed the Jarl to Windhelm. And I suppose I am glad I discovered I have a dragon soul. It explained a lot about my… inability to control myself in certain situations that I never understood before. If dragon blood is Akatosh’s idea of a blessing I’d hate to see what he thinks is a curse. I hope that prophecy is right and I am the last Dragonborn.”   
This made Calder eye Mama askance and Jarl Ulfric put his spoon down. “The prophecy is real, Dragonborn.”  
Mama raised placating hands. “Relax, both of you. I’m still not convinced Alduin is going to end the world but I am convinced he’s resurrecting dragons. I have every intention of stopping him so it doesn’t matter who is right. I don’t want to kill any more dragons than I have to. It’s twice as hard regaining control after killing a dragon than killing a person. At least the person’s soul doesn’t invade your own and spend the next half hour fighting against being devoured. If I keep having to kill dragons eventually one of them will win. I can’t imagine it would be pleasant for anyone for a stranger to be behind my face.”  
It certainly wasn’t. Sofie mentally added a dragon kicking Mama’s soul out of her body to the frighteningly long list of ways she might end up alone forever again, edging her chair a little closer to Mama’s. As a bonus it also got her a little further away from the Jarl. After he spoke, Sofie was only sorry it wasn’t possible to get a lot further away.   
“The Jarl of Whiterun is refusing to let you set your trap for one of Alduin’s lieutenants until the war is over, correct? Well, you should be able to do so soon. We’re gathering for our final assault on Solitude. You’ll have report to our Haafinger Camp by Loredas.”  
“We’ll have to leave the morning after tomorrow to make sure we are there in time,” Calder said.   
The snowberry crostata in front of Sofie became blurry as her eyes filled with water.   
“So soon? But I just got back,” Mama said, echoing Sofie’s thoughts.   
“You’ve no time to glory in your accomplishments, especially after the time you took getting here. I need you in Solitude.”  
“I know. I’ll be there.”  
Sofie blinked away her unshed tears, hating the Jarl. I hope he dies taking Solitude. She bit into her crostata with uncharacteristic savageness in the brief silence in between Mama speaking. “My Jarl, if it isn’t too presumptuous to ask, what are your plans for me once the Empire and Alduin are gone from Skyrim?”  
Sofie put down her crostata, not willing to risk even the sound of her chewing preventing her hearing Jarl Ulfric’s reply.   
“Are you wanting freedom to roam?”  
“The opposite. I’m tired of roaming over Skyrim into situations which overwhelm my… self-control. I’m always terrified one day I won’t get it back, or Calder will fail to stop me going too far. And I’ve never really gotten a chance to enjoy this charming house you gave me either. I’ve slept more nights outside it than in it.”  
“Well, stopping fighting can certainly be arranged. Temporarily, at least,” Jarl Ulfric clarified. “I have no doubt your Aldmeri Dominion will eventually turn their eyes to Skyrim’s shores, Faire.”  
“It’s not my Aldmeri Dominion. The only place for me the Thalmor have in it for me is a grave. I don’t want them here anymore than you do. I’d certainly fight them if they came.”  
 _Dear Nine Divines please let the Thalmor never come here._ It was a frequent prayer of Sofie’s as she had no wish to lose Mama to the Thalmor, but now she had more fervour to the prayer. She wondered if she ought to ask Calder to take her to the temple of Talos to pray so the Divines would know how serious she was. Mama and Calder sometimes quarrelled about whether or not he was a real god, but they were more like calm discussions than real quarrels. Sofie never felt the need to hide during them. Mama didn’t even care when Calder visited the temple, alone or with her.   
The Jarl kept talking. “I’m not sure it would be feasible for you to stay in Windhelm all the time, however. I may need you to accompany me on trips around Skyrim on occasion. There may be events in which the presence of the Dragonborn would be desirable to me. Politically and personally.”  
Mama nodded. “I understand, Jarl Ulfirc. I have no objection accompanying you on trips. You know Sofie, if there are no Imperials or dragons around it would be safe to take you with me. You’d get to see Skyrim’s flowers in the wild. Would you like that?”  
Sofie, who had been assuming she’d have to stay in Hjerim like she did when Mama went to fight, liked the idea of not being alone when Mama travelled so much she couldn’t find strong enough words and had to let her smile and nodding speak for her.   
“You want to bring her?”   
Sofie stopped smiling at the Jarl’s tone. Mama did not find it nearly as alarming, judging from her eye roll. “Calder would look after her. She wouldn’t trouble you. I wouldn’t bring her when I’m seeing you. Have I ever done that before?” When Ulfric raised his eyebrows at her, Mama added: “You came here, my Jarl. I didn’t go to you. Neither did Sofie. It’s not my daughter’s fault you see her if you decide to visit the home she lives in.”  
“She isn’t your daughter. How could an elf have a Nord child?”  
“By taking charge of her care and education. That’s what being a parent is.”  
“Giving birth to a child is a defining part of parenthood.”  
“Sometimes I find it incredible our races don’t get on better. Both Altmer and Nords put a little too much emphasis on blood ties.”

Yawning was rude, so Sofie clamped her teeth together. Mama had this conversation with the Jarl every single time the three of them were together. She was ever so bored of it. Before Jarl Ulfric respond to Mama’s statement Calder picked up the bottle of Black-Briar reserve. “Anyone want more mead?” he said, talking slightly faster than he normally did. “It doesn’t really taste any different from the regular stuff to me. Does it taste different to you Faire?”  
“Not really. It wouldn’t surprise me if they put the regular stuff in a bottle labelled reserve as an excuse to treble the price.”  
“I can’t say it would surprise me either,” Jarl Ulfric said. “The Black-Briar clan has always behaved in a way to acquire more septims than honour. I’d be more worried about their ties to the Empire if their self-interest wasn’t so well documented. Maven will be loyal to Skyrim if I give her family enough advantages to loyalty.”  
“Even when Skyrim is free it will still need to have relations with the Empire. Do you trust her enough to be a go between? A go between with pre-existing relationships is always advantageous, and it would certainly give her a chance to line the Black-Briar clan’s pockets.”  
“In the short term it would serve but the long term worries me. Maven attends the Thalmor Emissary parties regularly. She’s quite the favourite of First Emissary Elenwen.” The Jarl put quite a bitter twist on the name, and cracked open one of his mudcrab legs with a louder snap than he had been doing so previously. Sofie wondered why he hated Elenwen so much, and who Elenwen was.   
“I don’t think First Emissary Elenwen is a favourite of Maven Black-Briar. I met her at the party right before I slipped away to search for documentation on dragons. I asked Maven what she was doing at the party because I was trying to blend in. Do you know what she said to me? She said she was here to maintain relationships and that she didn’t know who I was but not to talk to her again unless she wanted her to blow my cover.” Mama smiled. “I was quite frightened slinking off to talk to Orthus but she kept her word. Anyone who valued the good opinion of the First Emissary’s would have tipped her off instead of the gatecrasher.”  
This time Sofie was not able to keep her teeth clenched together. Luckily nobody noticed the yawn slip out. _Politics now. Why do adults always pick such dreary topics to talk about?_ She almost wished Mama and the Jarl would go back to arguing about whether or not she was Mama’s daughter. Kit provided a welcome distraction by rearing up on his back legs to put his head in Sofie’s lap and give her (and the crab meat she was holding) a soulful look. The adults found their stupid talk about the mead lady going between so enthralling none of them noticed her feeding Kit the rest of the crab meat, although Calder did notice when it was gone.   
“Do we not have any steamed mudcrab left? I thought I bought plenty for all of us.”  
Mama shrugged. “We all had some. There was enough. Has everyone had enough fondue and crostata? Why don’t we play dice now?”  
Even though she nodded, Sofie’s feelings on playing dice were mixed. Normally she enjoyed it. Playing dice meant Mama and Calder were together, and both of them were paying a gratifying amount of attention to her. Jarl Ulfric paying any attention to her was not gratifying. When Mama asked if she wanted to play Five Leaves tonight she simply nodded, still reluctant to open her mouth.   
“I’ve heard of that game. It’s a Bosmeri one isn’t it?” the Jarl said.  
“Is it? How did you learn a Bosmer game, Faire?” Calder asked.   
“A Bosmer taught it to me,” Mama said, in the flat tone which Sofie and Calder both knew was her way of saying she didn’t want to talk about it further.   
Jarl Ulfric didn’t seem to know it as the next words out of his mouth were: “Really? Was the name of the Bosmer who taught it to you Tamir by any chance?”  
Mama turned the colour of eidar cheese. “How did you…I don’t know how you know about him but kindly do not discuss him in front of Calder and Sofie. I came across a dossier in Elenwen’s solar which makes me confident you know _first hand_ why I am desperate for the Thalmor not to identify me. If they connect that name to me, they will.”

Sofie eyed the door, calculating the likelihood of needing to escape. The tension in the room had gone up. Mama’s colour had changed to rose gold, a sign of anger. The Jarl’s face at Mama’s outburst was initially surprised, closely followed by amusement which only stayed on his face until Elenwen’s name. After that he looked angry.   
“Faire, I am your housecarl. I’m sworn to guard you with my life. I can’t make you to trust me with why you are a fugitive but I can’t let you think I would betray you to the Thalmor either.” Calder was angry too. Sofie’s calculations escape went from possible to probable. Three angry adults was just too risky. She began to shuffle slowly to the door.   
“Of course you’d betray me if you were interrogated,” Mama said, rolling her eyes.   
Calder folded his arms. “No loyal housecarl would. To be considered for the position you have to have proven you are courageous in dangerous situations.”  
“Calder, if you were interrogated by the Thalmor and didn’t betray everything you knew it wouldn’t be a triumph of loyalty and courage on your part, it would be grounds for dismissal due to abject incompetence on the part of the interrogator…” Mama broke off. “Sofie, where are you going?”  
Sofie froze in her position in the door frame, biting her lip in disappointment. Safety had been so close she assumed it was guaranteed. “I’m going to bed.” It wasn’t a lie. Underneath a bed had been a favoured spot to find safety when people were angry.   
“What an excellent idea.” Sofie couldn’t see the Jarl’s face because she was facing the opposite way but he sounded pleased.  
“If that’s what you want. I’ll come read you your story,” Mama said. 

Despite her initial tension, Sofie was completely relaxed by the time she was changed into her nightgown, had her hair brushed and been tucked into bed. All the words Mama spoke to her were calm ones, and she was careful to pull the comb through her tangles gently, combined evidence Mama was not angry with her. The certainty of safety returned to Sofie’s world.   
“I don’t think we’ve read Kolb and the Dragon yet, have we?”  
“No, Mama.”  
“Shall we read it tonight?”  
Sofie nodded. Mama sat down on the bed next to her and began reading. “’Kolb was a brave Nord warrior. One day his Chief asked Kolb to slay an evil dragon that threatened their village. Go through the mountain pass, Kolb, his Chief said. You will find the Dragon on the other side.’”  
“Kolb is exactly like you.”  
Mama smiled. “I’m not a man or a Nord, dearest.”  
“No, but you are always being told by the Jarl to go kill evil dragons.”  
Mama read the second page instead of responding to this observation. “Kolb took his favourite axe and shield and walked to the pass, where he found a cold cave, a windy cave, and a narrow trail. It looks like you have to choose which way to go to continue the story. Which way would you go?”  
“The narrow trail,” Sofie said promptly. She’d acquired a deep distaste for cold and wind during her time on the streets.  
Mama flicked through the pages. “’Climbing up, Kolb found a camp. He met a wise man who shared bread and showed two paths to the dragon's lair. One went through the hills, the other through a marsh.’ Which path do you want to take?”  
“Marshes are damp, aren’t they?” Damp was another thing the streets had given Sofie a distaste for. “Go through the hill.”  
“Alright. ‘Kolb stepped onto a rocky hill. He could see the dragon sleeping below, and a tavern off a road nearby.’ Do you want to climb down or visit the tavern?”  
As Sofie had no preference either way and Mama was the expert on dragons, she asked: “What would you do if that was you?”  
“Honestly? I’d visit the tavern.”  
“Let’s do that then.”   
“’Kolb stopped at the tavern to rest before fighting the dragon. High elves ran the tavern, however, and…’ uh…” Mama paused for a second before continuing. “’And poisoned his mead so they could steal his gold. The end.’”  
After taking a few seconds to reflect on it, Sofie made her pronouncement. “That was a stupid story.”  
“It was, wasn’t it?” Mama said. “I don’t have time to read you something better tonight. Tomorrow night, I promise. What song would you like to hear?”  
“The Dragonborn comes.”   
“Again?”  
“It’s my favourite.”

Mere minutes after Mama finished singing and left the room Calder entered. She hadn’t technically been alone because Kit was curled next to her bed and the doll was in her hands but it was still nice someone wanted to talk to her. All lingering fears of Calder’s anger were banished with his voice.   
“I’m sorry Sofie. I forgot you don’t like loud voices.”  
Sofie smiled. Calder kept talking, clearly reassured. “I keep forgetting Faire wasn’t bought up in Skyrim. She hasn’t even been here that long. She’s not being deliberately insulting, she just doesn’t see things the way a Nord would.” Calder looked pensive. “I’m not sure anyone bought up under Thalmor rule is capable of seeing things like a Nord. What with the endless talk about the racial superiority of the high elves I always assumed the Thalmor must treat high elves well at least, but after meeting Faire I’m not as sure. After you have been around her a while you can’t help noticing a pattern to her flinches… The Jarl is right to want the Empire gone from Skyrim. Skyrim does not need the Thalmor or their lackeys here.”  
Sofie yawned before she could stop herself. Politics was just too boring. Calder noticed, but didn’t get mad. “I’ll let you fall asleep now. Sleep well.”  
“Goodnight, Calder. I will.”

Sofie hadn’t meant to lie to Calder. When she told him she would sleep well she believed it would be true. It wasn’t like she wanted to have a nightmare and wake up sniffling. She didn’t cry long. Within seconds she realised she it had all been a bad dream. She lay quietly for several minutes, trying unsuccessfully to recapture sleep so she wouldn’t have lied. Maybe some food would help. Even though she was very quiet pulling the chair across the kitchen floor to reach the apples somebody heard her. Sofie could tell it was Mama and not Calder or the Jarl long before she saw the figure. A Nord would have been carrying a candle, not being trailed by a ball of magelight. Magelight covered a larger area than candlelight, and bathed the surrounding area in a blue glow instead of yellow.   
“Sofie? Are you ill?”  
“No Mama, I was only hungry. I’m sorry I woke you.”  
“You didn’t, sweetheart. I wasn’t asleep. Have you been crying?”  
“I had a nightmare. Someone was trying to hit me so I hid in Niranye’s garden. I hid there for such a long time when I came out everyone in Windhelm was dead and I was completely alone.”  
“Poor baby. I’ll warm you some milk.”  
“Um…water is fine, Mama. I’d prefer water.”  
“Milk is better for you.”  
Sofie gave up. Being a milk drinker was the price of having an elf Mama. At least Sofie got to sit with her as the milk heated. Watching her light the fire beneath the cookpot was a spectacle Sofie never tired of. It was mesmerizing watching flames spilling from Mama’s fingers without leaving burns. When Mama put her arm around Sofie the hand which had been casting was still pleasantly hot.   
“Sorry you’re missing your sleepover with the Jarl,” Sofie said. Mama didn’t seem annoyed about it. In fact she laughed softly. “I’m not. He snores.”  
The laugh and Mama’s arm gave Sofie the bravery to ask a question she’d been wondering. “Are you going to marry him?”  
Mama’s reply came without a second’s hesitation. “No. General Stone-Fist told me after Fort Kastov the Jarl’s going to marry Elisif when the war is over. I thought he would. It’s a sensible way of reconciling the more fervent Torryg and Empire supporters to him. The only thing that surprised me was the way the General told me. He seriously thought I’d be distraught. He hides that romantic idealism under his brusque exterior well.”  
Some of Mama’s statement was unclear to Sofie, but not ever being expected to share a house with Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak seemed certain. _What a relief._ “Isn’t Elisif the wife of the old High King? The one the Jarl killed to start the war?” Sofie queried, trying to understand.  
“He was.”  
“Everyone says Elisif loved her husband. Why would she marry the Jarl if he killed him?”  
Mama was silent for such a long time Sofie was starting to believe she wouldn’t get a response. “Probably the same reason I let him share my bed.”  
Sofie still did not understand, but some instinct told her it was the only answer she’d get. “Is it something I’ll understand when I’m older?” That was usually what adults said whenever she didn’t understand.   
“Merciful Mara, I hope not.” Mama stood up to pour the milk from the pot into a tankard. Watching her extinguish a fire was as mesmerizing as lighting one. Waves of ice cascaded from her palms. They did make her hands cold, but Sofie preferred being held with cold hands to not being held.   
“If you aren’t going to marry the Jarl, why don’t you marry Calder instead?”   
After a long pause, Mama shook her head.   
“Are you sure Mama?” The more Sofie had thought about it (and she’d had a lot of time to think while she was alone), the more perfect the idea of Mama marrying Calder seemed. She’d have a Papa again and the Jarl couldn’t take away Mama’s husband the way he could Mama’s housecarl. The Jarl hadn’t given any indication he wanted Calder to stop being the Dragonborn’s housecarl, but after losing her father and constantly being left alone by her Mama because of his choices Sofie was not inclined to trust him to leave Calder with Mama (and by extension herself) any more than she’d trust Kit to leave some crab meat.   
“Quite sure, dear. I doubt the Jarl would allow it. The General was so clumsy with his hints about the Jarl always being fond of me regardless of circumstances it seems likely the Jarl will still…want my company. Calder would not encroach, even if I wanted him to. And I don’t. I really don’t. It would never work.”  
“Why not? Calder’s nice.”  
“Only because it makes keeping an eye on me easier. Not that I object. As it is apparently necessary I have a guard, a friendly one is the best kind. I can’t imagine why the Jarl thinks an impoverished Thalmor fugitive might destabilise his agenda. Or believe he went to the effort of finding out who Tamir was. I wish he’d tell me how he found that name.”  
Sofie took a swallow of her milk. “I know how. You talk in your sleep.”  
“I do?”  
“Mmm hmm.” Sofie took another swallow. Warm milk was nice, even if it wasn’t proper. At least nobody but Mama could see her finishing it without being told. “Back when we lived in Candlehearth Hall you said his name in your sleep several times a night. I bet you still do. Who is he?”   
“A corpse. Don’t say his name to anyone.” Mama’s tone had gone flat again. Sofie finished her milk without questioning her further. Mama put her back to bed after that, saying they both needed to get some sleep. 

Due to her late night milk drinking exploits, next morning Sofie slept in so late Mama had to wake her. “It’s time to get up, sweetheart. Calder has gone to fetch breakfast. You won’t have time to eat if you don’t get up now.”  
The possibility was enough to have Sofie leaping out of bed. She’d pulled on her grey dress before she thought to ask: “Is Jarl Ulfric staying for breakfast as well?”  
“No. He had to go back to the Palace. He has much to organise before marching on Solitude.”  
The day had started brilliantly. Sofie buried the knowledge Mama and Calder leaving her alone tomorrow to stop it spoiling her mood.   
“He does want me to come there tonight though.”  
“Oh. Will you be able to read me my story and song before you go?”  
“Of course. Sit down. I’ll comb your hair.” 

Calder bought back cabbage and potato soup for them and grilled chicken breast for Kit. “Elda said to tell you she’s going to need more gold now she has to feed a fox as well.”  
Sofie froze. Her father had never allowed her to keep things if they were going to require septims. Mama’s reaction was a calm: “She’s always been as ruthless a businesswoman as Niranye.”  
“Windhelm women are,” replied Calder. “The reason Torsten is never the market stall is because his wife decided he couldn’t be trusted to bargain high prices. That’s why he’s always moping about being a sailor and pestering his poor farmhand. His wife is so busy running the market stall he doesn’t have enough to do or any company.”   
“I wouldn’t disregard your men. Revyn Sadri is a sharp operator. When he is selling at any rate. I’ve known him to make mistakes purchasing. He gave me lessons in bargaining when I first arrived.”  
Nobody was saying anything about not feeding Kit. Sofie assumed it wasn’t going to happen and devoted her attention to the soup. After a few minutes Mama told her to stop gulping her food or she might make herself sick. Sofie slurped the last spoonful. “Sorry Mama. I don’t want to be late for lessons. Wuunferth doesn’t like it if I’m late.”  
“Wait. I want to go with you. I’d like to hear how your studies are progressing.” Mama got up from the table and went upstairs to change into an outfit which would hide her skin and face, putting Sofie in a conundrum. Waiting for Mama would make her late for lessons which would make Wuunferth mad. If she left now she’d be on time, but Mama would be mad she had not waited as instructed. After weighing up how much affection she currently received and was willing to lose from both parties, whose anger she was more afraid of and potential consequences either party could inflict upon her the choice was easy. Sofie sat down to wait for Mama. Wuunferth wouldn’t be able to do anything to her with Mama in the room anyway. “Will you be coming too Calder?”  
“Of course. I’m Faire’s housecarl. I go everywhere with her.”  
Sofie smiled in satisfaction. Wuunferth wouldn’t be able to do anything to Mama with Calder in the room either.

Wuunferth was standing over his enchanting table, not facing the door as they arrived. “You’re late…” he began growling, turning, then stopped as he saw Sofie hadn’t come alone. As she had taken the precaution of ensuring each of her hands was firmly holding Mama and Calder’s, Wuunferth’s tone did not shake Sofie’s composure.  
“Dragonborn,” Wuunferth said, in a much more polite voice than he had given earlier. “I was not aware you had returned to Windhelm.”  
“I arrived late yesterday afternoon. I’ve been in Hjaalmarch.”  
“Yes, I heard you won a mighty victory for the Stormcloakwith your sword arm.” Sofie was put strongly in mind of Neetrenaza talking to a Nord. Even though his words were respectful, you nevertheless got the impression of being utterly disdained. “Strength and steel are well and good but magic is the true power in this world. Why do I never hear about any magical feats except the thu’um from your battles? Magical prowess is the one area Altmer actually are as superior as they claim to Nords.”  
“I was never taught any. It was clear from a young age teaching me any offensive or defensive magic would only make me more dangerous than I already was.” Mama’s tone had gone flat again, but Wuunferth was as oblivious about Mama’s desire not to discuss it further than the Jarl.   
“Is that why you only know restoration magic?”   
“I actually came to discuss my daughter’s education rather than my own. Is she still struggling with mathematics?”  
“She’s making some progress with addition and subtraction. I’m pretty sure that rapid progress with multiplication tables is just her good memory rather than any true grasping of the concept. And she’s still a complete ignoramus with long division.”  
Sofie didn’t know what ignoramus meant but assumed from her history with long division it was not complimentary, an assumption which seemed to be correct from the way Calder’s free hand patted her head, Mama’s raised eyebrows and the way Wuunferth abruptly started acting like Neetrenaza talking to Scouts-Many-Marshes instead of a Nord. “The girl does better with letters. She’s making steady enough progress with reading. She has unusually neat handwriting for a child that young as well.”   
Sofie had noticed Mama was not inclined to accept answers from her of a few sentences to her questions. When Sofie did so, Mama always responded with more questions until she got answers with enough detail to satisfy her. Interestingly, this was not something Mama would only do to Sofie as she spent the next half hour interrogating Wuunferth on how well she was learning. It was a great way to start lessons: by not having them. It didn’t last as she had to pick up a book once Mama got answers she considered satisfactorily detailed. Mama then decided to sit in on lessons “to see firsthand how my daughter is handling her studies”. It meant Wuunferth was less testy. Whenever she made a mistake Wuunferth would open his mouth and glance at Mama and Calder silently watching before correcting her in an uncharacteristically courteous manner. 

One thing about lessons Wuunferth didn’t change was punctually ending at lunch time, although instead of kicking them out like he did when Sofie was alone he told them he had important research to do that he’d explain but they’d probably just be confused. Sofie wondered if it was how adults kicked other adults out. It seemed likely as Calder was annoyed. He kept grumbling about how Jarl Ulfric would certainly find his court mage’s disrespect to his Thane objectionable if he knew about it.  
“I don’t particularly want him to know about it,” Mama said decisively. “I have no desire to anger Wuunferth. He’s doing an excellent job teaching Sofie. She barely knew her alphabet or numbers when I found her. Now she can read and do basic sums. I won’t jeopardise her education for such a petty reason. Can you please go fetch lunch from Candlehearth Hall? Buy some sweetrolls with whatever they cooked today.”   
Mama never ate at Candlehearth Hall because eating meant having to take off the hood and scarf she wrapped around her face. Even when they’d been living there she’d always eaten in her private room with the door locked instead of in the common room. Sofie followed Mama towards Hjerim, happy as always in the knowledge of an imminent meal. As long as she had food, Sofie never cared where she ate. “Thank you for ordering sweetrolls with lunch, Mama. I love them.”  
“I know. I thought you deserved a reward for all the progress you’ve made with your studies. Don’t feed any to Kit though. Foxes are supposed to eat meat, not sugared pastry. It’s safe for Kit to eat steamed mudcrab legs, but if he eats too many sweetrolls it won’t be good for him.”  
Sofie examined Mama’s face. Not detecting any anger, she ventured: “I didn’t think anyone had noticed.”  
“I’m the only one who did. Don’t look worried. I used to feed my dogs at the table when I was your age too. Nurse would be horrified if she knew I was passing my bad habit onto my children.”  
As Mama had not had dogs or a nurse while she had been in Skyrim, Sofie added those bits of information to her scant store of knowledge on Mama’s life before they became a family. _I knew she was a noblewoman. Only rich children have nurses._ As Mama looked sad, Sofie assumed her nurse and dogs were dead. “Did the Thalmor kill them?”  
“Oh no. They died of old age long before… My nurse wasn’t young when she was assigned to me and dogs don’t live long anyway.” By this stage they had reached home. Mama waited until the door was shut before she continued speaking. “I’m sure the dogs I left behind are fine, even if they miss me as much as I miss them. Dogs belonging to traitorous bloodlines have never been considered necessary to purge.”   
“What’s a traitorous bloodline?”  
“The blood children and grandchildren of an established traitor.” Mama’s tone was flat for that statement, but not for her next. “We’ll visit the market in the Stone Quarter after lunch. I’d like to offload all the items I took from Morvath’s Lair and I have a delivery of mammoth powder for Quintus. Afterwards we’ll visit Revyn’s shop. He’s more likely to have something pretty you can dress your dolly in. Have you given her a name?”  
First Shahvee, now Mama. Adults were obsessed with things having names. “Dolly.”   
“Kit and Dolly. You’re going through a descriptive phase, aren’t you?”  
Calder arrived back with food before Sofie could ask what that meant, upon which she lost all interest. Beef stew and sweetrolls were always going to be more deserving of attention than new vocabulary. Kit spent the meal trying to convince Sofie sweetrolls were good for him, but as Mama was watching he had to be content with licking Sofie’s sticky fingers after she was finished. Mama made her wash her hands after, despite Sofie’s protests that Kit had licked them extremely clean. 

It was snowing lightly when the four of them left the house. It was only supposed to be three but Kit saw he was going to be left behind, decided he didn’t want to be and promptly made sure he wasn’t. Sofie tried not to look at the daggers, gems and jewelry Mama was selling. Admiring something she could never keep only led to heartbreak. Past experiences in the Stone Quarter at the forefront of Sofie’s mind kept her silently clinging to the safety of Calder’s leg while Mama bargained with Niranye and the blacksmith. She only let go when the blacksmith spotted Kit nosing a barrel and made an offer to buy him. The barrel must have been full of something delectable because Kit did not at all appreciate Sofie dragging him back to the protection of Calder. He squirmed and whined without pause. Mama stood firm in her refusal to sell him, luckily, as the blacksmith came close to begging. The imminent Stormcloak march on Solitude had made him critically short of all his crafting materials, including leather. _I’m glad I’m not a fox. It must be horrible having everyone see you only as a pelt to be tanned._ Sofie didn’t put Kit down until after they went inside The White Phial. Alchemists were not interested fox body parts. 

Quintus’s eyes lit up when Mama entered the shop. It was easy to notice as his demeanor had been so wretched before he realised who had entered his shop. “Faire! Um…I mean Dragonborn. Do you have the powder and snow?”  
“Only the mammoth powder, I’m afraid,” Mama said, handing over a sealed bowl. “There was a giant camp on the way back to Windhelm…”  
“After our detour,” Calder muttered. Sofie was fairly sure she was the only one who heard him as Mama kept talking.   
“…but the Throat of the World was too far out of our way.”   
Quintus went right back to looking wretched. “Thank you. Will you be able to go to the Throat of the World soon?”  
“Yes,” Mama said at the same time Calder said: “No. We are due in Haafinger tomorrow.”  
“We can travel there via Ivarstead. I’ll have a courier deliver you the snow.”  
Calder gave a nearly inaudible sigh at Faire’s words. “The dragon who lives there won’t mind us taking his snow, will he?”  
“His name is Paarthurnax, Calder, and of course he won’t. He’s overcome his evil nature. Stop pretending you have Blade sympathies. I know quite well you just don’t want to climb the Throat.”  
Sofie’s curiosity overcame her reserve. Quintus didn’t look likely to suddenly fly into a rage anyway. “Why do you need someone to climb the highest mountain in the world to get some snow? There is lots of snow right outside the door.” She pulled up her skirt to show him her boots, still coated in snow. “See?”  
“That snow isn’t any good to me, Sofie. It melts. I need snow which doesn’t melt to repair the white phial.”  
Sofie looked around at the unbroken boards of the floor and walls of the shop front. What she could see of Quintus’s room to the left seemed in perfect repair as well. _I guess one of the upstairs rooms must need mending._ “Wouldn’t wood or stone be better than snow to fix your building?”  
“It isn’t the shop which has broken, it’s the White Phial Nurelion named his shop after. It’s a very ancient magical artefact which means special materials to fix it. And I think I can. I know I can.” The wretchedness had slowly been fading from Quintus’s face as he spoke to Sofie, but with his last two sentences it came back in a flood. “If I get them in time. Otherwise there’s no point.”  
Mama touched Quintus’s shoulder. “Nurelion’s taken a turn for the worse, hasn’t he?”  
Blinking away tears, Quintus nodded. “I think finding it was the only thing keeping him alive. When you found it damaged he lost all motivation to stay alive. All he does is sleep.” Quintus didn’t manage to blink away his tears this time. “Please get me the unmalting snow soon. Nurelion hasn’t got much time left. I don’t want him to die believing his life’s work was in vain.”  
“I’ll bring it as soon as I can. I have to leave Windhelm tomorrow.”   
“Thank you,” Quintus whispered.   
Mama waited for him to compose himself before she spoke again. “I wish I could tell you it starts feeling better eventually but it doesn’t. You just have to learn how to live with constant grief.”

Before they left the White Phial Sofie was careful to pick Kit up. Alchemy shops were full of fox enticing smells, but fortunately Quintus required enough comforting about his dying master that Mama didn’t leave until after Kit felt he had investigated each scent to his satisfaction and was content to be carried. More than content, Kit spent the entire walk past the blacksmith licking her chin. The openly covetous look the blacksmith gave Kit as they went past made Sofie glad she’d had the foresight to keep hold of him.  
“Visiting Paarthurnax’s home will make us late to Haafinger’s Stormcloak camp,” Calder said in a studiously neutral tone.  
Mama shrugged. “We’ll walk fast. I bet we won’t be as late as you think. You always insist we leave early because you’re paranoid about being late.”  
“Being at camp by Loredas was a direct order from the leader of the Stormcloaks.”  
“You aren’t a Stormcloak anymore. And I’m not a regular Stormcloak. I may as well get privileges nobody else gets if I have to…” Mama broke off temporarily to glance at Sofie. “If I have to perform all these special tasks nobody else does. Also I’m not sure I could live with myself if I knew it was in my power to make an old man die happy but chose not to.”  
“Faire, I don’t know what it was like in your homeland but in Skyrim if you don’t want to…” Calder glanced at Sofie and stopped talking. She was about to ask why they both kept looking at her when Kit decided he was sick of being carried and began to kick. As they were in the Grey Quarter by this stage Sofie felt it would be safe to give him freedom. Mama continued the conversation while Sofie was putting Kit down. “With any luck I won’t be a Stormcloak much longer. I think I have a decent chance of persuading the Jarl not to send me on any more missions once the war is over and Alduin is gone. He puts a surprising amount of emphasis on my being Dragonborn. I don’t know why, but he thinks it’s important.”  
Sofie giggled. Calder didn’t think Mama had said something funny, judging by the pained expression on his face. “Being Dragonborn is important to all Nords, Faire. Our greatest heroes were Dragonborn. Our greatest _legends_ were Dragonborn.”  
“Really? I can’t say I’m surprised. The Jarl never found me particularly remarkable the first few times we met. It wasn’t until after I took the Kynesgrove dragon’s soul he suddenly gave me Hjerim and began treating me like I was the most irresistible woman alive.”   
The conversation ended as they arrived at Revyn’s. It was a relief to get out of the falling snow. It was the sort of weather Sofie had dreaded when she had to spend her days standing by the gates to the docks hoping people walking past would buy flowers from her. Having a family was _ever_ so much better than being alone in the world. At least in a family somebody made sure she was warm, dry and fed when she was left alone.

Revyn smiled when he saw Mama, his white teeth in stark contrast to his dark face. This was typical. Revyn always smiled a lot around Mama. “My dear Dragonborn. How delightful to see you in Windhelm again. I hope you’ll be gracing the city with your presence for a good long time.”  
“I’ll be leaving tomorrow. I’m hoping my next return will be more enduring.”  
Revyn’s smile widened. “I hope that will be the case.”  
“We have a purchase to make,” Calder broke in. “Do you have any cloth?”  
“I had a trader drop by with some lovely pieces the other day.” Revyn reached under his counter to place seven rolls on the flat surface. Mama picked Sofie up so she could see them. “Which do you like best?”  
A dazzling display of luxurious colours overwhelmed Sofie. “I don’t know.”  
Revyn gave another smile, looking at Mama even though he was speaking to Sofie. “Take your time deciding. I don’t mind how long it takes.”  
“Don’t you still have some necklaces to sell, Faire?” Calder said.  
“Some.” Mama put Sofie on the counter to rifle in her pouch.  
“Lovely.” Revyn took the necklaces out of Mama’s hand without taking his eyes of Mama. They bargained fairly quickly before starting to gossip. At least it wasn’t politics, although the doings of various Grey Quarter residents Sofie didn’t know weren’t much better as far as interest went. 

While Revyn and Mama chattered, with Calder silently watching, Sofie pondered her choices. Brown and white were too drab, especially with the other bright colours vying for attention. Blood red, while magnificent, was not an appropriate colour for a doll who had become alone due to vampires. The yellow was the nicest colour but the material felt too coarse for such a soft doll. The black was soft but Sofie instinctively shied away from the colour of mourning. That left two choices.   
“Have you picked a material for your doll yet?” asked Calder.  
“Nearly. The blue or the green.”  
“Why not the blue? She can be a Stormcloak.”  
That certainly settled the question. Now the only question was how to phrase her choice delicately enough that Calder wouldn’t be offended. “Dolly wants to stay with me all the time, not be a Stormcloak and leave me alone. A green dress would be best.”  
“She’s made a choice! It’s the green material. How much is it?”  
Well, Calder didn’t seem offended with Sofie. He barely even seemed to notice her in fact. It was Mama and Revyn that were the focus of his attention. With his frequent interjections when their conversation began to meander the material was paid for quickly.  
“Will you be heading to the New Gnisis Cornerclub this evening?” Revyn asked.   
Mama shook her head. “Sorry, Revyn. I’m afraid I have a prior engagement I cannot avoid tonight.”  
“Maybe when you return then. I hear the Stormcloaks are mobilising on mass. I’m sure we’ll need to toast your final victory.”

Calder only waited for the door to shop to shut before he spoke. “That Elf definitely likes you.”  
Mama nodded. “We’ve always been friendly. I did him a favour not long after arriving in Windhelm which he’s always been grateful for. It saved him from a disastrous misunderstanding.”  
“I think his gratitude goes beyond friendly. Or at least he wants it to.”  
“For his sake I hope you are wrong, seeing as he has no chance. The Jarl strikes me as the possessive type. Make sure you tell him I don’t plan to grant my favours to Revyn next time he asks you for a report on me. I wouldn’t want Revyn’s business to suffer. He helps several less fortunate residents in the…Calder? Are you alright?”  
Mama’s tone had been so matter of fact Sofie had assumed without really thinking about it Mama had not been saying anything particularly unusual. Judging by Calder’s abrupt stop, wide eyes and white lips it appeared she was wrong.   
“Is that what you think I am? A spy? I’m _your_ housecarl, not his. I don’t give him reports on you!” Calder choked. Sofie assessed the situation as not yet alarming, but be wary. Right now Calder was upset, not angry but past experiences with other men had taught her that could change in a heartbeat. Mama wasn’t angry either, merely amused judging by her laugh.   
“Oh really? He never asks you what I do? Who I talk to? What I say? What my opinions are?”  
“Well, yes. But only because he is interested in you. You’re the Dragonborn and his Thane and his…um…”  
“Special lady friend?” Mama suggested, still laughing.   
Calder didn’t join in. “I’m not answering any of his questions anymore seeing as you think it’s spying.”  
Mama stopped laughing. “Don’t. Keep answering his questions. I’m careful never do anything I don’t want him to know about.”   
“A housecarl’s loyalty is to his Thane, not the Jarl who assigned them.”  
“If you truly believe that, Calder, you had better keep telling the Jarl every single thing he asks you or he’ll reassign me a less loyal housecarl.”  
“Is that what would happen on the Summerset Isles? This is Skyrim. We’re free here.”  
“Alinor, Calder, not the Summerset Isles. Nobody who actually lives there calls it that. And at least in Alinor for better or worse everyone knows their place and all the expectations that come with it. Nobody is told how free they are then left to sprint blindly forward and impale themselves into the spikes lining their cage.”  
“That sounds painful,” Sofie remarked. Remembering the scar on Dolly’s stomach, Sofie wondered if it had happened to her.   
“It can be fatal.” Mama paused. “Calder, as your Thane I want you to answer honestly every single question Jarl Ulfric asks you. I don’t want to risk losing you.”  
Calder instantly stopped being upset and became cheerful.

His cheerfulness remained right throughout the whole process of turning the material into a credible outfit for Dolly, which was good as he had to help her with all the difficult sewing. Mama turned out to be completely useless with a needle. Calder was better, having actual experience from his Stormcloak days. When Stormcloaks had to travel or stay in distant forts and camps they couldn’t ask someone else to fix their clothes because there wasn’t anyone around to ask except other Stormcloaks.  
The result was superb in Sofie’s eyes, too superb to spend long gazing in awed silence at Dolly. “Look, Mama! Didn’t Calder and I make a lovely dress for Dolly?”  
“Yes, Sofie.”  
“See how the skirt falls down to cover Dolly’s legs and tummy? Now the stitches in her stomach are hidden.”  
“Yes, Sofie.”  
“And Calder even managed to make her a little shawl to keep her arms warm!”  
“Yes, Sofie.”   
Despite Mama’s enthusiasm, Sofie felt unsatisfied with the level of general appreciation of Dolly’s new finery. “Can we go to the docks so I can show Shahvee? I haven’t visited her today.”  
“Yes, Sofie.”  
“Faire, you were listening weren’t you?” Calder muttered. “You just agreed to go to the docks to show an Argonian a doll.”   
“I was listening. I’d like to pay a social call to Shahvee.”  
“The Dragonborn paying a social call to a dockworker. Most of Windhelm would have a fit if they knew.”  
“Let them. The Jarl never forbade me from visiting her. She gave me a lot of advice I needed about living in Windhelm when I first arrived nobody else would give me. I’m sorry I don’t have as much time to visit ever since the Dragonborn diagnosis.”  
“As you wish, my Thane. But I swear, if Neetrenaza opens another conversation by saying he doesn’t care that Nords don’t appreciate him because he doesn’t appreciate them right back instead of hello, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”  
Mama laughed. “I’ll make you a deal. You stop me from being irresponsible if Stands-In-Shallows asks me to go steal him skooma and I’ll stop you being irresponsible if Neetrenaza decides to greet you with his racial prejudices.”

Shahvee gave one of her wide smiles when she saw them, without stopping her leather tanning. “I was wondering why you were taking a while to visit today, little one, and now I see why. Hello Faire, Calder. You must have just arrived back in Windhelm.”  
“Late afternoon, actually. I…acquired an engagement in the evening and we had a few errands to perform today.” Mama returned the smile.   
“Faire and I had quite the profitable trip. Morthal’s last Jarl had let a large vampire lair establish itself. The loot in that place was incredible. And this was on top of the spoils from liberating Hjaalmarch. I’m pretty sure none of Windhelm’s merchants have any gold left now we’ve been through.”  
Sofie was watching Kit to make sure his enthusiastic nasal re-investigation of the docks wouldn’t have him wander too far away, which is why she was the first to notice Scouts-Many-Marshes sidling up. She expected him to join in the conversation, but all he seemed to want to do was listen.   
“And to think you had no idea how to earn your living when you first arrived here. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the look on your face when I told you people would pay you to do their killing for them,” Shahvee kept smiling as she talked, but Mama stopped. “We won’t be here long. Our orders require us to leave Windhelm tomorrow.”  
“Of course, you’re off to Haafinger.”  
“Why yes. How did you know?” asked Mama.  
“Well, the army is marching on Haafinger soon so it made sense. I hope you don’t mind I haven’t stopped tanning. The Shattershield’s leather order has become urgent now the entire army is on the verge of leaving Windhelm.”  
“Look!” Sofie broke in. She didn’t want to talk about Mama and Calder leaving her alone to help the army take Haafinger, and anyway they were visiting Shahvee to talk about Dolly. “Mama gave me a doll she found in Hjaalmarch and Calder helped me make a dress for her. Isn’t she beautiful?”  
Shahvee was suitably impressed. “My, she is. What a pretty little thing it is. What’s her name?”  
“Dolly.”   
“What a…um…suitable name for a doll,” Shahvee began. 

She stopped as Kit galloped over to examine Shahvee’s pile of leather, but Neetrenaza snatched it up before he could touch it while Shahvee pushed him away. “No! The Shattershield’s will be furious if you chew these!”  
Mama grabbed for Kit, who promptly jumped out of her arms. As the smell he wanted to pursue was in the opposite direction of Shahvee’s leather, past Scouts-Many-Marshes, Mama willingly let him go. “Oh, good afternoon Scouts-Many-Marshes. I hadn’t realised you were there. I understand we have you to thank for giving Sofie her new pet. How did he manage to fall in the river?”  
There was a subtle relaxing of Scouts-Many-Marshes posture, as if he was relieved. “I’m not sure. I didn’t see it fall in.”  
Mama watched Kit jumping into a pile of discarded fishing nets. “I suppose it must have been a moment of carelessness.” Mama kept watching as Kit kept wriggling deeper into the pile of fishing nets in a nasal paradise. “Maybe several moments of carelessness.”   
“I wouldn’t rule out stupidity,” Calder said as the inevitable happened and Kit got himself hopelessly caught.   
Sofie went to free him while Mama spoke. “I can’t disagree. It doesn’t look like intelligence will ever be a strength of Kit’s but oh well. It doesn’t need to be. He’s affectionate. That’s what’s important to Sofie.”  
“It’ll be good for her having a pet. She gets lonely when you’re both gone.”   
Sofie glanced at Mama to see what her reaction to Shahvee’s speech was. It was a pinched expression before sighing and shooting an angry glance at Calder. “I know she does. But when the Jarl gives me orders I have to go, and I can hardly take a child with me into dragon infested enemy territory, can I? And Calder won’t stay with Sofie because he is sure the Jarl doesn’t trust me to be a good little elf when I’m out of his sight.”  
“Faire! He trusts _me_ to keep _you_ safe while you are in dragon infested enemy territory which I can’t exactly do if I stay in Windhelm, can I? And you don’t just need me for protection. You need me to hold you down whenever your dragon takes over.”   
Neetrenaza snickered. “Does the noble leader of Stormcloaks know you hold down his Dragonborn when you are out of his sight?”  
The question seemed pointless but harmless to Sofie, but Mama and Calder didn’t agree, judging by the way they both glared at Neetrenaza. It didn’t seem to upset the Argonian, who only snickered more. “Of course he does. Jarl Ulfric trained with the Greybeards. He knows what Dragonborn’s are capable of when they lose control. You’d better hope Calder is there to hold me down if you are ever around when my dragon takes over. It doesn’t always distinguish between enemy and innocent bystander.”  
“Well as long as his high and mightiness doesn’t mind he isn’t the only one who gets to hold you down I suppose it’s alright,” Neetrenaza said with an air of gravity that rang false to Sofie, despite not fully understanding the undercurrents of the conversation.   
“He doesn’t ‘hold me down’. I don’t fight him. Considering what happened to him during the war it would be suicide for anyone of my race to do anything that could be construed as aggression to him.”   
Sofie finished untangling Kit. Kit had enjoyed being handled so much he decided to stay snuggled into her arms as she walked back to the adults.   
“At least you aren’t an Argonian,” Neetrenaza said. “Nord’s don’t appreciate Argonians but so what. I don’t appreciate them right back.”  
Mama grabbed hold of Calder’s arm, all the annoyance melting out of her posture to be replaced with mirth. “Don’t worry, Calder. I keep my promises.”  
Calder became equally mirthful. “Well thank goodness you were here to keep me responsible.” 

Both of them started giggling hysterically, still looking at each other while the Argonian’s stared in blank confusion at them both, although Shahvee’s expression slowly changed to troubled. “Oh dear,” she whispered, so quietly Mama and Calder didn’t hear over their laughing. “How did you know, Neetz?”  
“I didn’t. I thought I was teasing.” Neetrenaza spoke as quietly.   
“Do you think Ulfric knows?” Shahvee said. “Or would mind if he knew?”  
“I doubt he knows or Calder wouldn’t be her housecarl right now,” said Scouts-Many-Marshes.   
Neetrenaza rolled his eyes. “Of course would mind if he knew. He’s a nobleman and a Nord. Have you ever known either to share?”  
Scouts-Many-Marshes put a hand on Shahvee’s shoulder. “Don’t try get involved. I know you like her but the circles she moves in now are too dangerous for our kind. Let them decide what they are going to do without advice.”  
“My apologies,” Mama said, regaining her serious expression better than Calder. “It’s just a silly joke of ours. I won’t bore you explaining it. It isn’t worth the effort. Does Torbjorn still pay you the higher rate he promised?”  
“Yes, he does.” A smile flickered across Scouts-Many-Marshes face. “Now the Blood Horkers are out of business we have a lot more work as well. You helped my people greatly both ways.”  
Calder finally managed to control his chuckling and participate in the conversation. “You were involved in taking down Haldyn?”  
Mama nodded. “Not long after I arrived in Windhelm. It was before the Dragonborn thing came out which meant I was desperate for septims.”  
“I hadn’t realized you were part of that force. That explains the time those Blood Horker’s attacked us. How did you get involved in that?”

After Mama finished the story she said it was time to go home for dinner, it was lovely to see all three of you but we mustn’t interrupt your work for too long. Calder bought back tomato soup from Candlehearth Hall. The knowledge that tomorrow she was going to be alone again became harder to bury as the day drew to a close. It seemed like they’d barely started playing dice before Mama said it was bedtime and took her upstairs. Sofie refused to let herself be tucked in after she’d been changed because it would have meant letting go of Mama. Mama didn’t object to Sofie clinging to her while she was reading a story and singing a lullaby, neither of which Sofie heard. Even after she’d finished, Mama just sat there with Sofie for a long time, but not long enough. Eventually she spoke in a voice which was half speech, half sigh. “I have to go, Sofie. The Jarl is waiting for me.”  
Sofie didn’t let go. “Why is he always taking you away? I don’t want you to go to the palace. Or Solitude.”  
“I can’t say I particularly want to go to either place but he’s the Jarl of Windhelm and I’m nobody here. What he wants is what happens. That’s the way the world is. Please let go.” When Sofie did not Mama started to forcibly unwind her arms from her waist. “I promise my next visit will be a longer one,” Mama said as she got off the bed and pushed the silently protesting Sofie back down. “He seems receptive to the idea of me staying home more once the war is over and the dragons are gone. Goodbye Sofie. I’ll come back home as soon as I can. I leave you because I have to, not because I want to. I’m sorry but I really have to go now.” Mama left the room at a speed perilously close to a run. Sofie lay on her bed, wishing she hadn’t gone yet. _She hasn’t gone yet. Mama has to put on her blue dress before she sees the Jarl. She’ll be in her bedroom now._

Slipping inside Mama’s bedroom was easier than Sofie had anticipated. Mama was facing her wardrobe and never saw the door opening. Sofie knew how to be quiet, so shutting it and slipping underneath the bed was done efficiently. If Mama knew she was there Sofie would only be taken back to bed. Being with Mama if Mama didn’t know she was there still counted as not being alone. Mama raced around the room, letting her clothes fall randomly on the floor while she pulled on her dress and tried to tie the back laces by herself as she muttered some words Sofie was sure she’d be in trouble over if she repeated them. Her footsteps were fast as they headed out the door, but stopped suddenly. “Calder? What is it? I have to go. The Jarl’s waiting.”  
“Do you really want to go? Sometimes I think you don’t like him.”  
“The Jarl’s given me no reason to dislike him. He’s very generous. Sofie and I began living better after he decided he wanted me. He’s willing to be another shield between me and the Aldmeri Dominion as well, which is nothing to throw away lightly. I need all the shields between me and the Thalmor I can get.”  
“Could you please tell me what you did? It’s hard being one of the shields without all the information.”  
“I didn’t do anything.” When Calder sighed, Mama added in a slightly more anxious voice. “Don’t look like that, I wasn’t putting you off. I was telling you. I didn’t do anything myself. My mother did. The Investigators who came to the country house I lived in said she’d been found guilty of treason. I belong to a traitorous bloodline now so I need to be purged.”  
“Just because of something your mother did? That’s barbaric!”  
“And an effective deterrent. Nobody wants their bloodline eliminated. Although I imagine they now also want me dead for what I did to those Investigators. I doubt I qualify for my purging to be swift now.”  
“What did your mother do?”  
“I’m not sure. I hadn’t seen her for years. I lived in our country house because she didn’t have much use for a child who couldn’t control herself. She probably made a grab for power which didn’t succeed. She was quite fearfully ambitious.”  
“I did hear cut throat is not always an expression with the Thalmor’s top ranks.”  
“It’s not.” There was a small pause before Mama spoke again. “I really have to go. I’m already late.”  
“Faire…”   
Sofie could tell from the sound of the rapidly retreating footsteps Mama didn’t stop to listen to whatever he wanted to say. Calder gave a heavy sigh at the distant sound of the door closing. From her vantage underneath the bed Sofie could see him picking up the clothes Mama had dropped and putting them away. After several minutes he left. Sofie took the chance to return to her own bed. Her pillow was wet when she fell asleep. 

In the morning when Sofie woke up, the first thing she remember was she was alone. The only thing that stopped her weeping was feeling her hand still wrapped around Dolly and hearing Kit snuffling in his sleep by her bed. Focusing on picking a dress and combing her hair kept the tears at bay until she left Hjerim. Listening to Adonato and Stenvar talking about the Stormcloaks marching on Solitude was how she distracted her leaking eyes in Candlehearth Hall. When she went to Wuunferth for lesson’s he was busy writing on scrolls and didn’t notice her for fifteen minutes.   
“You’re here already?” he said, pushing his hood back from his shadowed, bloodshot eyes. It was less alarming than it was normally was, his tone being more tired than crabby. When Sofie nodded he added: “You’d better leave. I’m too busy. I need to get these healing scrolls written before the army marches. Come back tomorrow. If Ulfric’s elf complains, she’ll soon find Ulfric values his army’s needs over his mistress’s fancies.”   
Having lessons cancelled gave Sofie decidedly mixed feelings. Wuunferth, grumpy and full of difficult demands as his lessons were, was still at least someone who stopped her being alone for a major part of her day. She went straight to the docks to see Shahvee, her other failsafe against being alone. Shahvee gave her a brief smile without stopping her leather tanning. “I’m afraid I don’t have time to talk today, little one. I have to get this order finished before the army marches. Can you come back tomorrow?”

Sofie went back to Hjerim, where she would be alone, to cry. 

The days after the army marched rapidly settled back into patterns both new and familiar. Kit and Dolly needed to be fit into the old patterns, as did begging Talos to prevent any situations which would result in Sofie being alone forever again. In the morning Sofie would dress herself and Dolly, brush both their hair, then slip Dolly in her pocket and head to Candlehearth Hall for breakfast. She didn’t have as long as before to listen to Adonato talking, or Stenvar when he came back from his contract, because she had to go home to feed Kit breakfast before lessons. Lessons were rather unpleasant after the army marched as Wuunferth turned out to be grumpy if he was tired. It took a week before he caught up with all the sleep he lost writing healing scrolls for the army. After lunch at Candlehearth Hall she would drop by the Temple to Talos and spend a few minutes kneeling by the altar asking Talos the same three things: that Mama and Calder return home quickly so she wouldn’t be alone anymore, that the Thalmor never come to Skyrim so Mama and Calder wouldn’t have to leave her alone to fight them, and that Ulfric Stormcloak died while capturing Solitude so he stop taking Mama and Calder away and leaving her alone. When she finished praying she went home to feed Kit lunch, then they went for a walk together around Solitude picking flowers and visiting Shahvee. After they would go home for Sofie to sweep the house and make potions before dinner, where she would listen to conversations at Candlehearth Hall. Evenings weren’t as unpleasant as before as instead of being alone in Hjerim she now had Kit and Dolly to play with. When bedtime came around undressed herself and Dolly and went to bed for the night. 

It was fifteen days after the army marched before Sofie overheard any news. She nearly missed it because she didn’t overhear the news on Mama in Candlehearth Hall like she always had before. She overheard it in the Palace of the Kings on the way to lessons.   
“…gave the order, but the Dragonborn was the one who killed General Tullius.”  
The word Dragonborn was what caught Sofie’s attention. She came to a stop on the verge of heading upstairs, head whipping around to see who was talking. It was a Stormcloak so dirty she’d clearly just come from the road, talking to Ulfric’s steward and another man Sofie had never seen but was clearly a Stormcloak general from his uniform. They were standing near the throne, the opposite end of the room to the upstairs area where Wuunferth’s room was. Sofie inched closer to them, crouching behind the banqueting table.   
“Haafinger is ours then,” the steward breathed. “The war is truly over. You don’t think the Empire will attempt to reassert their rule, do you?”  
The General shook his head. “The Thalmor are far more likely to invade rather than the Empire. They’ve lost too many men already, not to mention General Tullius.”  
“What about his second in command?”   
“The Dragonborn killed her too.”  
Ulfric’s steward gave a little sigh. “Poor Rikke. Poor Ulfric. I know he was hoping to spare her but I didn’t think that was likely. She was as stubborn as he is over a matter of principle. Ulfric must be devastated. I’m glad he wasn’t the one who had to do it. I wonder if this will cool him off on the Dragonborn.”  
“That wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing now,” the General said. “Elisif was secured, wasn’t she?”  
“Yes. She swore fealty to the Jarl in public with many witnesses.”  
“Good. That should make it easier…”  
Reluctantly, Sofie left. It wasn’t worth staying until she was late for lessons. Wuunferth’s short temper from his week of short sleep was recent enough that she still felt he should be treated with wariness. It hadn’t been wasted though, it sounded like Mama had survived which was good. It made up for the Jarl also surviving, which was a real pity. Maybe she should have spent longer at her prayers. 

Wuunferth shot her a look that made her step back as she walked through the door. “You’re cutting it fine today.”  
“Sorry,” Sofie muttered. When it didn’t make Wuunferth’s look any friendlier she added: “I wanted to hear more about who survived the battle at Solitude but the courier didn’t tell the steward or the General if Calder had survived or not. I hope he did, Mama said she likes him being her housecarl. I do too…”  
“What? There is a courier from Solitude here?” Wuunferth left the room, moving the fastest Sofie had ever seen him go. After a long time she got bored of waiting for him to come back, sat down at her usual chair and picked up the book on the desk. Reading turned out to be much easier when Wuunferth wasn’t constantly scowling at her and barking questions about what she was reading and what the big words meant. When lunch came around and Wuunferth still wasn’t back Sofie just put the book down and left. As she was leaving she saw him talking to the steward and several other guards. From what she overheard it was all uninteresting political topics like when Ulfric would be declared High King and what it would mean for Windhelm, not something worthwhile like if Calder was alive or when Mama was coming home. 

Sofie had hoped somebody having lunch at Candlehearth Hall might know information from which she could deduce these answers but she was doomed to disappointment. Nobody at Candlehearth Hall seemed to know the Stormcloak’s had even won yet, judging from how Stenvar and Adonato kept arguing about which one of them the bard liked better. Even though they were doing it very quietly (Sofie had to strain her ears to hear them) she could tell they were getting angrier by the minute and was quick to leave to fetch Kit and visit the docks in case Shahvee could tell her anything new. In this she only received more disappointment as she turned out to know more than Shahvee, who wanted to hear everything she had overheard the courier say, as did all the rest of the Argonians, then the sailors on the nearby ships who heard them talking, then Suvaris Atherton who wanted to know why everyone had stopped working. Sofie had never talked so much or had people so interested in what she was saying in her life. She wasn’t sure if she liked it or not. If it had been Mama and Calder or just Shahvee it would have been enjoyable but Sofie couldn’t fully enjoy herself if she wasn’t completely sure she would stay safe.

By dinner time Sofie had more luck. Not only had enough of Windhelm knew of the battle that it was all anyone was talking about, the courier herself was there. It was several minutes before Sofie realised this as she was surrounded by people, and she wasted time listening to Captain Lonely-Gale and the Priestess talking about how the victory was proof of Talos’s blessing. It wasn’t until Nils reluctantly tore himself away from the crowd to continue serving mead that Sofie spotted her, clean and out of her uniform now. She hurriedly gathered up her meal and inched closer to hear the courier speaking. “…only witnesses to General Tullius’s death. The door was locked after they went in, and it wasn’t unlocked until after he was dead. Ulfric Stormcloak gave a victory speech directly after.” When several people asked about the speech the courier went on: “He began by thanking the Dragonborn. I suppose she did bring down a lot of Imperials but…I think she might have attacked more of our own people than her poor housecarl. Sometimes I wonder if she’s an orc underneath the armour. It would explain how easily she slips into a berserk rage during battle.”  
Sofie, who had stiffened in horror since the word housecarl had slipped out of the courier’s mouth, blurted out: “Is her housecarl dead?”  
“I didn’t hear before I left Solitude. I think he was just unconscious when they took him to the medical tent but you never know with head injuries. Sometimes they wake up, sometimes they don’t.”  
Somebody asked a question about the victory speech again, and Calder stopped being the topic of conversation, not that it mattered. Sofie had heard all she had needed to hear. Once her meal was finished she went home to lie on her bed, stare at the ceiling and not sleep. Knowing Mama was alive and thus would prevent her from being alone forever again stopped her crying, but not knowing if Calder would come home with her gave her flashbacks to the time she realized her father was not coming home ever again. 

It was a little under two weeks before anyone mentioned Calder around her again. Mama was mentioned in a few overheard conversations but nothing Sofie found particularly worthwhile. It was all stuff that she did during the Solitude battle, which sounded the same as the stuff she did during all the other battles which not really Mama anyway, just her dragon taking over. In a way it was more frustrating than nobody mentioning Mama as Sofie didn’t care about the battle now she knew Mama had survived it. What she wanted to know now was if she had defeated Alduin and could come home to put an end to Sofie being alone. But all anyone would talk about was the battle. Sofie was sitting in Candlehearth Hall one evening wondering if she ought to add: “Talos please make people stop talking about the battle and start talking about Alduin so I know if Calder and Mama are still alive” to her daily prayer when Quintus Navale sat opposite her on the table. She gathered up her bowl of stew to find a place on the floor to sit. When Quintus put his arm around her wrist she hurriedly added: “You can have the table. I’m leaving.” It didn’t often happen, but on very busy evenings if she was alone people did sometimes get Sofie to vacate her table.  
“Don’t go. I wanted to talk to you.”  
“Oh!” That was surprising. Sofie put her bowl back on the table, thinking of a good topic of conversation. “I heard Nurelion died. That must have made you sad.”  
“It did. But thanks to Faire he didn’t die knowing his life’s work was in vain. I owe her a lot for that. So… Calder has not returned to Windhelm, has he?”  
Sofie shook her head. “I don’t even know if he’s coming back. He got hurt at Solitude. The courier said he might not wake up.”  
“Mmm,” Quintus said. “You’ll be heading home fairly soon? Won’t you?”  
“Yes. I’m not allowed to be out after dark. Mama’s scared someone might kidnap me.”  
“I can see why she’d be worried. I hope now the war is over the Stormcloaks have the resources to do something about all these vampire attacks. I don’t know what’s gotten into them lately.”  
Sofie opened her mouth to say Mama was more worried about Thalmor agents kidnapping her than vampires, remembered she wasn’t supposed to talk about the Thalmor, and shut it again. Quintus was standing up and didn’t notice she’d been going to speak. “I should be going.”  
“It was nice speaking to you,” Sofie told Quintus’s rapidly retreating back, then refocused her attention on her unfinished meal. 

Talking with Quintus put Sofie in a fretful mood, and she was distracted when she got home. She did notice a lamp had been lit inside her room but it took her a little longer to remember she had not left her lamp on, then realise the implications of it being on now. Without conscious thought her feet began moving. “Mama? Calder?” she called, racing inside to the sight Quintus taking her dresses out of her chest. It was too late to stop her momentum and she ended up awkwardly collapsing into his legs instead of hurling her arms around them, as she had been going to for Mama or Calder. Disappointment and shock overwhelmed her. “Why are you here? You aren’t Mama or Calder. How did you get in? I locked the door. I always lock it because Mama told me I had to…”  
“Your Mama sent me the key. She wants me to bring you to her.” Quintus put the dresses into a backpack. When Sofie peeked inside she could see her books, drum and spare dagger were already in the bag. There was a closed basket next to the bag from which protesting little whines were emanating. “Why is Kit in a basket? Did Mama tell you to bring Kit as well?”  
“She did. Is there anything else not in this bag you’d be upset about if you never saw again?”  
“My potions and alchemy ingredients. Is Calder with Mama as well?”   
Quintus’s eyes slid away from hers. “You’ll have to ask her about that yourself. Where do you keep your alchemy items?”  
Sofie went to fetch them. While Quintus was finding spaces to cram them into the backpack she asked: “Why isn’t Mama fetching me herself?”  
“She didn’t say in her letter. But after what she did for Nurelion I’m not going to deny her anything she asks of me.” Quintus put the backpack on and picked up Kit’s basket. “Let’s go. I need to be back from Kynesgrove in time to open The White Phial tomorrow morning.”  
“We’re going to Kynesgrove? Now? But Mama doesn’t want me to be out after dark!”  
Quintus grabbed her hand in a firm hold. “She does in this case. Her letter was explicit about getting you out of Windhelm in the dark.”   
“Why did she change her mind?”  
“You’ll have to ask her about that yourself.” Quintus began walking her out the door. Sofie chose not to protest. The temptation of seeing Mama again was too great, and Quintus was taking everything that made being alone in Hjerim bearable. As there was nothing worth staying in Hjerim for (and she doubted Quintus would give Kit, her toys, her dresses and her hand back if she asked) Sofie followed the alchemist through the streets of Windhelm. He took a longer route than he had to, preferring streets with less people on them to the busier ones which would have had them reach the gates faster. Once they did he hurried her past the guards on duty fast enough she had to run.   
“Can we go a little slower, please Quintus?”   
“Be quiet!” Quintus hissed. Sofie flinched, partly from shock. Quintus had never before given her any reason to think he was someone to be wary of. Her fear only intensified as they finished crossing the bridge out of Windhelm to the road when she saw the carriage. The presence of a carriage meant she _had_ to talk instead of being safely silent.   
“A carriage has arrived,” she whispered, hoping Quintus might see the issue without any further word. When he kept pulling her towards the road instead of the stables it was clear he wouldn’t. Gathering up her courage, she went on: “Calder might be on it.”  
“Or he might not.” Quintus didn’t stop his pulling. They were on the crossroads between the stable and the road to Kynesgrove by this stage. Sofie started pulling back. “We won’t know unless we check. We should check to see if Calder is on the carriage.”  
Her pulling was futile against Quintus’s strength. He clearly had no intention of letting go of her hand or deviating away from the road to Kynesgrove. “You’ll need to ask your Mama yourself about Calder.”  
“But what if Calder’s on the carriage? I’ll miss him! He’ll go to Hjerim and I won’t be there!” The horror of this scenario was enough to make Sofie forget she was supposed to be talking quietly and start yanking back on his restraining clutch with all her strength. Her failure to break his grip was so complete she ended up hitting her knees on the stone path. She’d never been able to experience physical pain without screaming, which caused Quintus to slap a hand on her mouth. When the sound of her cries faded from her ears she was able to hear Kit wailing, Quintus telling her to shut the Oblivion up and running feet. Quintus looked up at the footsteps and swore.  
“Sofie? Is that you? It is you!”  
“Calder!” Sofie stood up, pulling her hand away from Quintus who instantly let it go, to move close enough to Calder to be picked up. “Calder! You’re alive! The courier said you might not wake up! Is Alduin dead? Are you back forever now? Why didn’t Mama come back with you?”  
Calder didn’t answer any of her questions in favour of asking Quintus one. “Why are you out here with my Thane’s daughter?” His tone was full of suppressed rage over a veneer of coldness, which made Sofie disinclined to press for answers. It didn’t bother her. It was enough to have Calder holding her. Sofie wrapped her arms around Calder’s chest and leaned her head against his shoulder to watch the row that was ever so clearly about to happen. To her relief, instead of speaking Quintus merely pulled a piece of paper from his pocket to hand to Calder. There was silence as Calder read it.   
“Why is she insisting I don’t come or even know?” Calder didn’t sound cold or angry any more, just miserable.   
Quintus shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. You probably have a better idea about that than I do.”  
“Ulfric.” The suppressed rage was coming back into Calder’s voice. “I kept asking her. Why didn’t she say she didn’t want him near her? I’d have done… something.”  
“She’s a High Elf, Calder,” Quintus said. “They never ask themselves what they want, only what their superior wants. When I told my brothers I wanted to apprentice under an Altmer they wouldn’t let me near him until my apprenticeship contract had a clause about separate sleeping chambers and no physical contact.”   
Calder didn’t seem to hear. “That doesn’t explain why she doesn’t want me to come when she leaves. She must be planning to leave forever. She wouldn’t be asking for Sofie and Kit if she wasn’t.”  
Her most recent conversations still fresh in Sofie’s memory gave her the perfect thing to respond with that. None of Calder’s anger had been directed at her and being held securely against him was reassuring enough to give her the courage to say it. “Why don’t you ask her about that yourself?”   
“That’s a terrible idea! You can’t!” Quintus cried at the same times as Calder said: “That’s an excellent idea. I shall.”   
“You can’t!” Quintus cried again, louder. “You read the letter! She’ll be furious if I bring you.”  
“You aren’t bringing me. I just happen to be going to Kynesgrove as well.”  
“She’ll never believe I didn’t tell you. Can you at least appear a few minutes after Sofie and I?”  
Calder’s arms tightened around her. “So you can warn her to vanish before we can talk? No. Sofie and I will go together.”  
Quintus didn’t verbally respond to that but his slumped shoulders spoke for him. He silently turned and led them along the road to Kynesgrove. 

Sofie dismissed his distress. She was with Calder and they were going to Mama. The only thing which wasn’t perfect about this scenario was after they arrived. “You won’t leave me if Mama tells you to go, will you Calder?”  
“Not willingly.”  
As this response wasn’t as reassuring as Sofie had been hoping she did not follow up on it or allow herself to dwell on it, ruining the precious joy of the moment. “How long did it take you to wake up? I heard Mama hit your head when her dragon was taken over.”  
“Only a day. Don’t mention that to your mother. She was terribly upset when she came down. The Solitude battle was...bloody. And long. Longer than any other battle she’s been in, so her dragon moment was…also bloody. And long.”  
“Can she stay home with me forever now? Or does she still have to kill Alduin first?” That was a vitally important question, but Calder did not respond in the affirmative.   
“When I last saw Faire she was going to. Odahviing had agreed to fly her to where Alduin was hiding. I don’t know what happened after they left. Another thing I’m going to have to ask her about…”  
“Why didn’t you go with her?”  
“She told me to stay just in case she didn’t come back. Faire didn’t want to risk you being alone again.”  
That was a horrifying thought. But clearly it hadn’t happened as they were going to Mama now. Mama wanted her, even if she didn’t want Calder for some reason. The thought of being without Calder was as horrifying as being without Mama. “You’ll come back if Mama tells you to go, won’t you Calder?”  
“Yes.”  
Sofie finally got the feeling of proper reassurance she had been seeking. The relief made her slump, snuggling her body even further into Calder’s chest. It was warm there. Sofie didn’t move, apart from closing her eyes. It was reaching the time Sofie normally went to bed. The rocking movement of Calder’s steps was soothing, as was the feeling of his breath against her hair, physical reminders she was not alone. 

Sofie didn’t even notice when she’d fallen asleep until she was carried from the dark night outside into the bright lamplight of a strange room. Blinking, she looked around. “Where’s are we? Is this Kynesgrove?”  
“Yes.”  
“Where’s Mama? Mama’s supposed to be in Kynsegrove. I don’t see her.”  
“Her letter said she had taken the room on the right…”Calder began. Sofie didn’t wait to hear any more, jumping to the ground to run to the right door. “Mama! It’s me! I’m here!” She didn’t have to pound on the door for long before it opened, allowing her to fall into the eager arms of the woman on the other side. “Mama!” Sofie was pulled in close as Mama sank down, pulling her into her lap. Because Mama was only wearing a simple tunic with hair hanging loose Sofie could feel when she looked up, saw the two people behind Sofie and stiffened, breath hissing through clenched teeth.   
“I tried. The carriage from Whiterun arrived just as we were leaving and Sofie threw a tantrum to get his attention. Calder insisted on coming even though I begged him not to. Ask them, they’ll tell you. Goodbye!” Quintus was heading to the door before he’d even finished speaking, which was quite impressive considering the speed with which he was talking. As soon as he’d spoken his farewells Quintus ran the last few steps to the door, leaving silence in his departure. 

Calder was the first to break it. “Is Alduin dead?”  
Mama didn’t speak but from her position on her lap Sofie could tell she nodded from the way the hair hanging over her shoulders and across Sofie moved up and down. Calder gave a sigh of pure relief. “Thank Talos. You saved the world, even if you don’t believe it. Thank you.” He paused, perhaps waiting for Mama to say something which never came. When it became clear she wasn’t going to make a sound Calder spoke again. “I suppose we need to talk. Did you want it to be out here, or privately?” Mama kept silent but stood up, shifting Sofie to her hip when she wouldn’t let go. As Mama took a few steps backwards Calder started to walk inside her room. Right as Calder entered Mama suddenly raised her hand to her mouth, threw Sofie onto the bed and tried to run past him. 

Before Sofie could feel alarmed Calder grabbed her shoulder in one hand and her arm in the other which he used to spin her around. “Don’t you dare run away before we’ve talked!” Mama didn’t say anything, but jerked herself backwards in her desperation to escape his grasp. Calder’s grip on her didn’t break. The opposite, Sofie could see his knuckles whitening as he pulled her back towards him. “Stop trying to run away!” he cried out, loud enough to make Sofie wonder if she should be running too. “What sort of a villain do you think I…” Calder never finished his sentence as Mama finally parted her lips. Instead of words, vomit escaped her mouth which landed on Calder’s chest. He let her go then but Mama didn’t use her newfound movement to keep running, just bend over. Calder backed away enough that this time the vomit landed on the floor instead of him. “I don’t think you’re a villain, I think you’re an idiot,” Mama said when she’d finished throwing up. “I suppose I should apologise for your shirt but I’m not going to. It was your own fault.” Mama turned. Before she could take any steps Calder grabbed her again. “Now where are you going?”  
“The front counter. Iddra keeps clean water there. The floor needs cleaning, thanks to your meddling.”   
Calder pulled her back from the door, towards the bed. As soon as she was in reach Sofie reached out, grasping Mama’s tunic in her hands and tugging until she sat down, allowing Sofie to crawl on her lap again. “I’ll do it. Sick people shouldn’t clean,” he said as Mama was being persuaded to sit with her. Mama buried her face in Sofie’s hair. “I’m not sick,” she muttered.   
“Of course you’re sick. You’re vomiting.”  
“I’m not vomiting because I’m sick,” Mama said as she raised her head, locking eyes with Calder. After a few seconds Calder’s eyes widened. His mouth opened and closed a few times. Eventually, he managed to speak. “Oh.”   
“Weren’t you going to clean off the floor?”  
Calder left the room. Sofie took the chance to let Kit out of his basket as he was beginning to whine. When the first thing he tried to do on being release was eat Mama’s pile of vomit she picked him up and went back to Mama’s lap. “Why did you tell Quintus to bring Kit and all my things? Are we not going to live in Hjerim anymore?”  
“No.”  
“Are we going to live on the street again?”  
“We aren’t going to live in Windhelm anymore.”  
“Who is we? Is Calder part of we?”

Mama didn’t answer that, perhaps because Calder came back with a bucket, rags and a glass of water for her to rinse out her mouth. “Weren’t you supposed to be taking a potion to stop this happening?” he said as he began wiping the soiled floor.   
“I think it happened after Solitude. I was using a lot of restoration magic. It’s called restoration magic because it restores the body to a natural state prior to outside influences. Normally this is blades or poisons but it can include contraceptive potions. Obviously.”  
Sofie wanted to ask what contraceptive meant but Kit distracted her by beginning to wash her face. Calder and Mama kept talking, and she lost her chance.   
“It’s the Jarl’s then?”  
“No, it’s Alduin’s, you meddlesome idiot. Of course it’s the Jarls! Who else would it be?”  
“Is what the Jarls? Do we have to see him again to give something back before we leave?” Sofie pushed Kit away from her face to break into the conversation. Kit began washing her pushing hand instead.   
“We are never going to see Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak ever again.” Despite the fact she was talking to Sofie, Mama was staring at Calder as she replied. Calder finished cleaning off the floor and took off his shirt. “Because of the baby or because you’re afraid of him?” he asked, dunking his shirt in the water bucket.   
Sofie frowned, confused. “What baby?”  
“Mine. You’re going to be a sister.”  
“You’re going to have a baby?”   
“Yes.”  
Sofie considered this piece of news, scratching Kit’s head. From what she knew, pregnant women never went to fight people in dangerous territory because they were too busy being pregnant to do much else. And babies needed mothers because they needed milk all the time, and couldn’t be taken into dangerous territory either. Mama being pregnant meant a long term future of her not leaving Sofie alone for a long, long time as babies took ages to grow into children. The baby itself also seemed to be a good thing in its own right. Another person in the family meant another barrier between being alone forever. “That’s nice. What are we going to call it?” Seeing as adults wanted everything named, asking about the name seemed the properly grown up thing to do. It did make Mama smile. “Nightshade.”  
“What if it’s a boy?” Calder said.  
“I’m still calling him Nightshade.”  
Calder dropped his shirt in the bucket, looking horrified. “You can’t name a boy after a flower!”  
“Yes I can. And I’m going to.” Mama’s tone had been hard, but as she continued speaking her voice became softer, and sadder. “It’s as close as I can safely get to naming him after the man I wish could have been his father. Tamir loved flowers.”   
Calder didn’t say anything straight away, getting up from his place on the floor to sit next to them.   
“You never answered my question. Do you want to leave because you are afraid for the baby or because you are afraid of the Jarl?”  
“The baby.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me what he was that much of a monster?”  
Mama’s brow wrinkled, as she stared at her hands. “He isn’t a monster. Not the way you are thinking. He’s not violent. I can’t see him wounding any child deliberately. But that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t hurt my baby. My child will never be as important as the children he’ll have with Elisif. And he hates Altmer. After what I read in the dossier I found in the Thalmor embassy I can’t really blame him. I don’t think he’ll ever be able to not hate Altmer. He doesn’t like me. He never liked me personally, just what I could do for him. Nightshade will never be able to do anything for the future High King except be an embarrassment. Skyrim doesn’t like Altmer much either. I know they call us witch elves.” Mama paused, brow unwrinkling, eyes going from distant to dangerously glinted as she raised her head to look at Calder. “You can tell the Jarl not to look for us or worry about our actions. I won’t interfere with any of his plans. Why would I? I don’t even care about Skyrim or Talos.”   
Calder inclined his head, eyes suddenly matching the glint in Mama’s as he folded his arms across his bare torso. “Why do you think I’m telling him?”  
“Stop playing dumb. You aren’t coming with us.”  
That was intolerable and could not pass without comment. Sofie gave a scream as she launched herself from Mama’s lap to Calder’s, locking her arms around him tightly. Kit gave a yelp of surprise as he was suddenly not in Sofie’s lap. “Calder has to come with us if we’re leaving and never coming back! He’s our friend!”  
“He isn’t, Sofie. We were always just a job to him. He just pretended to like us to make his job easier.” Mama started wiping at her eyes. “I’ll admit he did it well…”  
Sofie took a gasping breath to launch into a passionate denial but Calder put his finger over her mouth before she could begin. “I wasn’t pretending. I considered you a friend as well as a Thane, as I did with Sofie. Why did you think otherwise?”  
“How could I not when we only met because the Jarl needed someone to make sure I was a good little elf and behaved liked the perfect Stormcloak Dragonborn he needed? He wouldn’t have assigned you to me if he wasn’t convinced your loyalty to him would outweigh any to me.”  
“That’s… fair. I was loyal to him. I believed in his politics. I think I still am loyal to his ideals. But after I became your housecarl I began to see a different side of him as a person. And my loyalties shifted.”  
“And so you think I should let you to come with us and trust you not to go running to the Stormcloaks with my location at the earliest opportunity?”  
“Yes!” Sofie cried out. “Yes you should!”  
Calder turned Sofie towards himself and pressed her face into his chest. As it was hard to talk from this position, Sofie went silent again. She wished she had kept hold of Kit for comfort, but Kit had started to explore the room and didn’t look like he was interested in her right now.   
“I certainly hope you do,” Calder said, in a carefully calm manner. “The thought of you wandering off alone pregnant with a child in tow terrifies me. What if you continue being sick right through your pregnancy or the birth goes badly? Who’ll look after Sofie if something happens to you? And what if you get sick after your baby is born? What if the Stormcloaks find you? Or the Thalmor? Could you fight them off alone while you were pregnant? Or with a baby? While trying to keep Sofie safe? Even if I didn’t like you, it would make me feel much easier if you allowed me to go with you.”  
By the end of that speech Mama’s eyes were wide, with no glint in them anymore. Even though Calder had been the one who spoke of being terrified, Mama was the one who seemed terrified at his words. When the silence went on a while Sofie twisted her head out of Calder’s gentle grip to speak. “Please, Mama?”

There was more silence. It went on so long Sofie was about to beg again when Mama broke it. “Do you really like us enough to leave Windhelm never to return? Never to see anyone you know again?”  
Joy and hope bloomed in Sofie’s heart. She held her breath for Calder’s response. It didn’t disappoint her.   
“You know my parents are as dead as yours and I never had siblings. I have no reason to return if you two…you three aren’t in Windhelm.”  
After another long silence Mama spoke again. “I was going to go into hiding with a new identity. You’ll need one as well. You can’t be my housecarl. Anyone trying to find us would have too easy a job.”  
Calder took a deep breath, looking nervous. “Please hear me out and don’t reject this idea instantly. How about I pretend to be Sofie’s father and your new husband? It’ll explain a half human baby and stop people thinking it’s the Jarls. You’ll be completely safe, I promise. It’ll just be pretend for the sake of appearances. I wouldn’t…expect anything or try to force myself on you. I’m not Jarl Ulfric.”  
Sofie badly wanted to say she thought this was an absolutely marvelous idea, but Calder put his hand over her mouth. Mama had to break the long silence again. “It’s a good idea but I’m not good at pretending. What would you say if I proposed we didn’t pretend?”  
Calder eyes went wide, then narrowed. “Is this some kind of Altmer obligation thing again? Are you just offering because you think you have to because I’m doing you a favour?”  
“No. Ever since I lost Tamir I’ve hated being alone. I don’t understand why he decided he had to intervene. The Investigators wouldn’t have cared about him if he hadn’t tried. He was just a gardener. They said they knew that none of the servants had been involved with my mother’s treason and were going to be left unharmed, they were only here to purge me. I don’t know why he decided he had to attack them, he would have been fine if he hadn’t…” Mama had been getting more and more upset as she was speaking. Sofie wasn’t surprised when she began sobbing too much to keep speaking. Calder reached over Sofie to pull Mama into his arms. As she was now in reach, Sofie hugged Mama as well. She cried for several minutes before anyone spoke.   
“I know why Tamir decided to attack them,” Calder told Mama, speaking gently. “He cared about your life more than his. I can understand that. I would do the same if I ever find myself in the same situation.”  
“I hope you never do. I’ve been so miserable since I realised I couldn’t ever return to Windhelm. I didn’t know why until you walked in and all I could feel was happiness, even though I knew I was supposed to feel horrified.”  
Calder replied to Mama by kissing her. That got boring quickly, so Sofie looked to see what Kit was doing. His exploration of the room complete, Kit decided to hop back into the basket and fall asleep. Eventually Mama and Calder broke apart and began talking. Sofie quietly listened to them discuss the abandoned shack in the forrest halfway between Ivarstead and Riverwood which had a garden they were going to live in now and plans to make simple potions, hunt animals and grow plants to earn enough money to live on. When they began asking her about what names they were going to use from now on Sofie agreed to them. She had no reason not to. Everything she had dreamed of was coming true. She had a father again and parents who weren’t going to have to leave. Her days of being alone were over forever.


End file.
